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Parametric Equations and Calculus

2010-12-05T01:51:00.001-05:00

A plane curve, c, can be defined by:

x = f(t)
y = g(t)

where f and g are continuous for some interval, I.

Parametric equations: Ability to calculate two functions defined by t (time) with their slopes of the tangent line, the actual tangent line equation, concavity due to second derivative, and horizontal/vertical tangency.

dy/dx = (dy/dt)/(dx/dt)

Proof:

dy = Δy = lim as Δt -> 0 [g(t + Δt) - g(t)]/Δt

dx = Δx = lim as Δt -> 0 [f(t + Δt) - f(t)]/Δt

dy/dx = (lim as Δt -> 0 [g(t + Δt) - g(t)]/Δt)/(lim as Δt -> 0 [f(t + Δt) - f(t)]/Δt)

dy/dx = (dy/dt)/(dx/dt)

d^2y/dx^2 (second derivative) = [(d/dt)*(dy/dx)]/(dx/dt)]

Horizontal tangent line: dy/dt = 0

Vertical tangent line: dx/dt = 0

d^2y/dx^2 > 0 implies the plane curve is concave up

d^2y/dx^2 < 0 implies the plane curve is concave down

Arc Length and SA

Arc Length of a plane curve:

s = \int_[a,b] sqrt([f'(t)]^2 + [g'(t)]^2) dt

c cannot cross over itself

Let the curve, c, be defined by x = f(t) and y = g(t). If c doesn't cross over itself as t goes from a to b, then the surface area of the solid formed by rotating c is:

S = 2pi \int_[a,b] g(t)sqrt([f'(t)^2] + [g'(t)]^2) dt

when rotated about the x-axis

S = 2pi \int_[a,b] f(t)sqrt([f'(t)^2] + [g'(t)]^2) dt

when rotated about the y-axis

Polar Systems and Calculus

x = r*cosθ
y = r*sinθ

r^2 = x^2 + y^2

tanθ = y/x

dy/dx = [f(θ)cos(θ) + f'(θ)sin(θ)]/[-f(θ)sin(θ) + f'(θ)cos(θ)]

Electrons/Quantum Theory and Mechanics/Periodic Properties/Atomic Spectrum/Chemical Bonding

2010-12-05T01:50:00.000-05:00

Characteristics of atoms:

Wavelength - The distance between crests/troughs
Frequency - The number of time a wave passes a certain point in a given time
Amplitude - Height of the wave in relation to its centered line

Electromagnetic radiation - related by the following equations:

Code:

λν = c

c = speed of light = 3.00 x 10^8
λ = wavelength
ν = frequency

Frequency and wavelength are inversely related. As one goes up, the other goes down.

de Broglie's Equation on particles functioning as waves

Code:

λ = h/(m*u)

λ = wavelength
h = Planck's constant = 6.626068 x 10^-34 (m^2 kg)/s
m = mass of electron in kg
u = velocity of electron in m/s

Code:

E = (h*c)/λ

E = energy of a quantum (photon) of light

photoelectric effect - when light strikes a metal and a current is produced

Code:

Φ = h*(v naught zero)

Φ = work function - quantity of energy needed to dislodge the electron from the surface of a metal
v naught zero = minimum amount of energy required to produce the photoelectric effect

Code:

 1/λ = (1.097 x 10^-2 (nm)^-1)[1/(n1)^2 - 1/(n2)^2]

1/λ = wave number
v = frequency for lines for hydrogen spectrum
n1 = remains fixed for a series of calculations
n2 = n1 + 1

Energy Transitions/Photons

Code:

ΔE = (-2.18 x 10^-19 J)[1/(nf)^2 - 1/(ni)^2]

ΔE = change in energy level of an electron

Electron Configuration

Cation:

1s^2,2s^2,2p^6,3s^2,3p^6,3d^10,4s^2,4p^6,4d^10

Anion/Neutral:

1s^2,2s^2,2p^6,3s^2,3p^6,4s^2,3d^10,4p^6,5s^2,4d^1 0

atomic emission spectra - light lines on dark background

atomic absorption spectra - dark lines produced by gaseous ions illuminated by other sources

Quantum Theory

quantized - restricted whole-numbers

quantum mechanics - particles as waves

n = size of oribtal; can only be positive
L = shape of orbital; restricted in the form n-1
m(sub L) = magnetic quantum number; orientation of orbital and restricted by L values (range)
m(sub s) = spin magnetic quantum number; can only be -1/2 or 1/2

Pauli's exclusion principle - an orbital can only hold two electrons and they must have opposite spins

Aufbau's principle - electrons are added just like protons

degenerate orbitals - orbitals with the same energy level

Hund's rule - lowest energy configuration = max # of unpaired electrons

Periodic trend - energy increases from left to right, bottom to top (Fluorine has the most ionization energy)

electronegativity - ability of an atom to attract electrons to itself

periodic trend - from left to right (low to high) and bottom to top (low to high)

χ = difference in electronegativity

> 2.0 = ionic bond (but never 100%)
0 < 1.6 < 2.0 = between ionic and polar
0 < 1.6 = polar covalent bond
0 = non-polar

-central atom has lowest electronegativity
-no 100% ionic but 100% covalent

Types of Bonding

bonding - bond two electrons are shared between two atoms

lone - two paired electrons located on one atom

single bond - one pair of electrons (2) shared between two atoms

double bond - two pairs of electrons (4) shared between two atoms

Lewis Dot Structures

duet rule - hydrogen may only have two electrons
octet rule = most of the time, 8 electrons are required for normal scenarios

-hydrogen can never be central
-find valence electrons (keep charge in mind...positive charge = subtract from valence; negative charge = add to valence)
-fill outside with octets then put remaining on the central atom

resonating structures - must have a double bond; different types of bond configurations

oxyacid - draw the anion first and then add the hydrogen

'best Lewis structure' - one that has 'formal charges' balanced; formal charge = the number of valence electrons an atom 'prefers' to have

Modernism and Machines: Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times

2010-12-05T00:54:00.002-05:00

I viewed Getty Images - Unsupported browser detected. In this clip, Charlie Chaplin is dressed in a police man’s uniform. The camera is at a wide enough angle to display Chaplin in the middle of the street with two sidewalks on either side. Buildings are seen in the background and the left side. In the scene, Chaplin dawdles about the middle of the street in an attempt to scare the mobs of people on the left and right side. Humor is derived from the fact that Chaplin is so small compared to the gang members and the fact that he is successful in scaring them away by just looking at them while gesturing with his baton. When Chaplin’s back is turned, the gang members reappear on the screen. They attempt to sneak up on Chaplin but he immediately turns around and scares the mob away again. The scene is shot in black and white with no sound.

The Tramp is characterized by his unshapely appearance (he wears clothing befitting a homeless person). He usually wears some sort of hat and holds a cane in one hand. Despite his appearance, the Tramp acts like a gentleman in every situation he is involved in. He represents any ordinary man with a sense of pride and dignity. The Tramp usually ends up in precarious situations as a result of sheer coincidence. The Tramp does not socialize well with authority figures. He has a set of moral standards that he often values more than the laws in society. For instance, in Modern Times the Tramp tells the police officer that he stole the loaf of bread that the Gamin actually stole to not only protect her but also as an attempt to get back into jail because he finds that reality is too harsh.
Cyborgs In Film: Chapter 2

This article explains how the Tramp’s character is comparative to a cyborg. The thesis states that Chaplin purposefully portrays the Tramp in a way that demonstrates just how ‘machine-like’ humans have become as a result of industrialization. Several examples are given to help articulate this point. The feeding machine scene emphasizes that the humans place more concern on the machine malfunctioning than they do on their co-worker who is trapped inside the malfunctioning machine. After the conveyer belt stops, the Tramp has uncontrollable urges to perform his tightening task on something other than the materials on the conveyer belt. He cannot separate himself from his work because he feels as if he has turned into a machine. The article goes on to postulate that the factory has been replaced by cyberspace, technology, virtual reality, and other multimedia experiences. The factory no longer dulls human senses but instead these other facets of the modern era. Humans seek out these facets because they want their senses to be dulled…to escape from reality. The ending conclusion states that we no longer fear “that we will lose ourselves to a machine, rather that we will be reduced to a series of numbers…”

One of the main points states that the Tramp is a physical character and not a psychological one. All of the Tramp’s physical actions conveyed what he wanted and where he intended to go. Furthering the idea of the physical nature of the Tramp, a contrast is made between the Tramp and the rest of the humans on the filming set. The Tramp never appears to look like anyone else: as if he does not belong there to begin with. The Tramp represents freedom in a variety of forms. One, the film itself gave freedom to the masses and exposed them to culture that used to be only for the ‘elite’. Two, the Tramp represents freedom from the chains of society’s methods and laws. The masses relate to the Tramp because they also feel the need to become free from the “restrictions of lives governed by social property, the class structure, and especially in the thirties, the mechanical regime.” Chaplin produced City Lights and Modern Times in the 1930s: a period in time where sound had been added to film. Chaplin detested “talking pictures” stating, “Dialogue, to my way of thinking, always slows action, because action must wait upon words.” These two films displayed Chaplin’s qualms when it came to film with sound. The overall theme expressed in Modern Times centered on the fact that society was slowly phasing out the Tramp in favor of modernization. The ending further highlights this theme when the Tramp turns his back from the camera (the world) because he is run out of town (society).

Chaplin disapproves of technology and modernization. He fears that humans will turn into machines (a notion explored several times in Modern Times). By controlling all of the elements of his film production, Chaplin is able to convey his opinion in a variety of ways. Chaplin opts to not use full sound in his movies during a period where film with sound was popular. When he does use dialogue (as in Modern Times), the words are communicated through machinery, pointing out that no human contact is made. The scenes that do involve machinery or technology often have negative implications (such as the feeding machine scene where more concern is placed on the malfunctioning machine instead of the human trapped in it). Chaplin uses the Tramp’s awkward appearance to contrast with the ‘norm’ for society at the time. His clothes and body language are considered odd. The Tramp, while mostly used for comedic ends, allows the audience to reflect on the cruel (but very accurate) nature of reality. It might seem humorous for a factory worker to lose control over their physical actions after performing a repetitive task, but the serious concept that Chaplin wanted to convey is that humans are becoming more machine-like. Humans sacrifice their own humanity by endorsing modernization. This constant dissimilarity between the norms of society and the Tramp fully communicate Chaplin’s own position on modernization and technology.

Postmodernism: Postmodernism/Postmodern Thought and Culture

2010-12-05T00:54:00.001-05:00

I found my article in the nineteenth volume of PMC (text-only archive).
http://pmc.iath.virginia.edu/text-on...1contents.html
http://pmc.iath.virginia.edu/text-on...19.1greven.txt

The article is titled “Cyborg Masochism, Homo Fascism: Rereading Terminator 2” and was written by David Greven.

This article deals with the hidden subtexts in the film Terminator 2: Judgement Day as well as its predecessor (Terminator) and successors (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines and Terminator 4: Salvation). Greven links the cyberized male image portrayed by Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator in Terminator 2 with a variety of themes including the introduction of homoeroticism to the largely heterosexual public, the alteration of the ‘macho’ male concept that Hollywood directors had encouraged until Terminator 2, and the link between the movie’s futuristic government as it relates to a fascist government much like the Nazi regime.

Greven states that Terminator 2 produced a male character that redefined the public idea of the ‘macho man’: from one that focused on the physical outside to the emotional inside of a man. Furthermore, he analogizes between the definition of a cyborg and that of a closeted homosexual stating, “Able to pass as human but containing within him a secret identity destructive to human life.” Greven labels the Terminator as “the enemy of human reproductivity” as is the case with homosexuality. He also believes that Terminator 2 is a means to “denature homoerotic imagery so that it can be redeployed for mass consumption”. For example, Greven notes the use of black leather in Terminator and describes its link to the homosexual scene. He further postulates that this is a synthesis of “straight and gay sensibilities”: a way for heterosexual and homosexual people to accept each other without realizing it.

Another theme explored involves the alteration of the masculine male figure. Hollywood produces and endorses a masculine figure that is physically fit and emotionally detached. Even the original Terminator movie is evidence of this fact: Schwarzenegger is portrayed as “mister universe”, physically well toned with the only concern to his mission. In Terminator 2, Schwarzenegger is re-educated by John Connor (a human boy in the film) to become less like a killing ‘machine’ and more like a ‘human’. He learns to become more aware of human life instead of slaughtering everyone in his path on his way to finish his mission. He also connects with John Connor as a father figure. Terminator 2 shows the more “feminine”, exposed, and fragile side of Schwarzenegger which Greven links with homoeroticism: a shift in attitudes of Hollywood film makers between what the term ‘macho’ man encompasses.

Greven also relates the film’s use of a fascist-like government (one ruled by machines in the future) coupled with the homoerotic subtext to Nazism. The machines “relentlessly campaign to exterminate human life” just as the Nazis did. Schwarzenegger’s portrayed image in Terminator 2 is also linked to the “Nietzschean” superhuman that the Nazis idealized. Griven uses the first three Terminator movie openings as an example of allusions to concentration camps. He further states that, because of the partial nudity displayed in the opening scenes, we revert back to what Freud calls the “tormenting compulsion” (a compulsion humans have to look at others’ genitalia). Greven references Johann Joachim Winckelmann’s work and its influence on the Nazi idealization of male beauty. He states that the Nazis countered homoerotic tendencies of Winckelmann’s work by minimizing erotic features of the body into “transparent whiteness and tranquility”. Greven briefly correlates this ideology to a scene in the first Terminator where Reese describes time travel to Sarah as “White light…because I’m human I, alone, feel pain from time travel.” Greven notes that in Terminator 2, Schwarzenegger is “humanly proportionate [compared to his appearance in the first Terminator]…almost femininely soft” even after stealing clothes from “a red-neck type in a country bar”. He compares Schwarzenegger’s features to Hitler’s: dark hair and features. Hitler did not embody the model of Aryan perfection just as Schwarzenegger does not. However, the T-1000 (another cyborg…an upgrade from Schwarzenegger’s T-800 model) closely resembles the Aryan model of perfection and contrasts heavily with Schwarzenegger’s physical appearance. All of these aspects demonstrate the fascist, Nazi-like nature that is presented even if that was not the original intention.

Transaesthetics: William Gibson’s Cyberpunk Novel Neuromancer

2010-12-05T00:53:00.001-05:00

I used Google Scholar to locate information on technoculture.
http://cyber.eserver.org/tcbiblio.html
Cyber.eserver.org displays quotations (an annotated bibliography) from various sources that discuss technoculture and topics closely related to technoculture. Essays, books, interviews, and online articles are among the sources that Cyber.eserver.org pools from to help explain technoculture. There are 5 sections in the annotated bibliography: introduction, communications, virtuosities, pedagogy, and resources. Of particular interest is an article written by Michael Benedikt that discusses Gibson’s Neuromancer and its “critical philosophy that forms the basis of cyberspace”. The website also mentions Neuromancer in its own section, stating that any research into technoculture will eventually lead you to Neuromancer: “a book responsible for beginning a literary genre (cyberpunk) and coined the term cyberspace”.
Technoculture is society’s reception, reaction, and integration of technology into its current culture.

Yes. It helped me confirm my suspicion that Neuromancer, while using familiar names of cities on Earth, takes place in a (not too distant?) universe that has relatively similar culture. The study guide also helped me connect Gibson with The Matrix series. The implication was made that the AI known as “Wintermute” came into contact with the AI it had found on (presumably) Earth (the Alpha Centauri star which is the star closest to Earth), creating a plot opening for The Matrix.

Cyberspace first steps. 1st ed. Cambridge, Mass: MIT, 1991. Print.

In the interview, Gibson states that the Internet already allows people to separate their body and mind…to focus more on the spiritual aspect of the mind rather than the physical aspect of reality. He states that he uses this in his writing, to show that characters sometimes do not like to be reminded that they have physical bodies to return to. He hints that this type of separation (of body and mind) is where technology is taking us: where it has already taken us. In Neuromancer, Chase constantly interacts with ‘the matrix’ by separating his consciousness away from his body to traverse cyberspace. While we do not lose control over physical actions while interacting with the normal version of the Internet, there is still a feeling that you have separated yourself from everything around you while you focus your entire attention on whatever task you are pursuing in cyberspace. Gibson writes about a phenomenon that is already taking place even though we are not as advanced as the societies in Neuromancer.

For example, the study guide page has a status counter: something that records the number of visits people make to a certain website. It states that it has had 284,165 visits since December 17, 1998. There are certain YouTube.com videos (a website dedicated to streaming video media) that have had over one million views…yet YouTube.com has only been around since 2005. The transition of media from reality to cyberspace is already well under way just as Gibson ‘predicted’.

The article or book is no longer listed on the website. A quick Google Scholar search reveals the guidelines:
http://project.cyberpunk.ru/idb/hacker_ethics.html
Gibson exploits rule number two and three of the hacker ethic in his creation and description of Tessier-Ashpool Corporation. Rule two and three state that all information should be free and that authority should not be trusted. In Neuromancer, information is far from free as Case is forced to dig around for information regarding his boss, his boss’ motives, and what Wintermute really is. Information is encrypted by ICE which is a security barrier that prevents people from accessing information openly. Case hacks into the Matrix to access most of his information. Gibson’s version of hacking relies primarily on a more literal and aesthetic basis rather than its normal mathematical one in our own era.

Gibson also exploits rule number five that states you can create art and beauty via a computer. Throughout Neuromancer, Gibson provides highly detailed descriptions of Case and his surroundings at all times: including his feelings and emotions while inside the Matrix. This vivid description paints a picture in the reader’s mind to help conceptualize Chase and his hacking capabilities. The hacking itself could be considered art: the description of ICE, the matrix ‘desktop’ or longue area, the speed of transferring from one location to another, and so on.

He briefly touches upon rule number six which states that computers can change your life for the better. By the end of the novel, Chase transforms for the better: no longer depressed, lacking motivation, or feeling lost. He has a strong resolve by the end where in the beginning he simply drifted through life as a passive entity.

Virtual Skinner's Box: A look at addiction and gaming

2010-12-05T00:52:00.000-05:00

A strong statistical sample was drawn to correlate predispositions, personality types, and so on.

Let me take this chance to remind you that a mere ~1500 participants in a non-biased sociological survey can account for generalizations made about entire populations around the size of the U.S.'s.

Quote:

An MMORPG effectively simplifies the channel of communication, and relieves the pressure of having to deal with real-time face-to-face conversation. Some individuals who are shy or have low self-esteem may be able to form relationships in the virtual world which they aren't able to in the real world.

All of this data correlates just a single (well, duo actually) type of factor that directly links to motivation. Herzberg's Motivation (Hygiene Theory) explains it best if you're really that interested.

This is covering just one aspect of gaming addiction and is also touching, now, upon predisposition: a genetic/environment issue.

Speaking of which, you remember that box thingy I was talking about? Skinner's? Yeah...

The Norrathian Scrolls: A Study of EverQuest - (MMORPG Research, Cyberculture, MMORPG Psychology, Demographics, Statistics, Psychology, Charts, Addiction, Gender Differences, Gender Bending, Relationships, Romance, Guilds, Download)

Read it and be enlightened or wallow in ignorance...IDC.

The essay touches upon Maslow's theories as well which I really like. But if this is the first time you've seen his name, you probably didn't read the essay.

And this is just one factor of addiction to said games: behavioral psychology. This didn't even touch upon the chemical reactions!

People who think it's so simplistic amuse me.

Virtual Skinner's Box: Essay Excerpt #2

2010-12-05T00:51:00.000-05:00

Source: Virtual Skinner's Box Source

(cont.)...

But something more intensely provoking has happened in EverQuest which makes it addictive. Another frequently encountered figure in introductory psychology textbooks is Maslow, known for his proposed hierarchy of needs. Maslow sees human needs in a pyramid scheme. At the bottom are basic hunger and thirst needs. Then follows security. At the top of the pyramid are aesthetic needs and personal achievements, which would only be possible on a strong foundation of sated hunger and security needs. Thus, even though personal achievements are more rewarding than filling an empty stomach, these achievements are only possible once you've filled your stomach. But EverQuest makes it possible for Joes and Janes to become heroes. EverQuest makes it so that you can slay Vox in a guild raid on an empty stomach. What happens when people can feel achievement through continuous mouse-clicking? What happens when these achievements are more rewarding than "real life" achievements? And what if it's easier to click the mouse than to cook dinner?

One important tenet of Operant Conditioning is that behaviors are not inherently rewarding - they are made rewarding through reinforcement. It is the shaping process in EverQuest that makes the in-game "achievements" rewarding. It is the shaping process that make "achievements" achievements. People who don't play EQ don't see the appeal in clicking "COMBINE" in front of a forge for hours. They don't see why players would camp Quillmane or ice cougars for hours, even days, for an item that usually doesn't drop. To outsiders, the time players spend playing the game is mind-boggling. But it's hard for those of us inside the construct to realize this because the game has conditioned us to pursue these rewards.

Many things set EverQuest apart from other available computer games. Unlike other RPG's, there is no story-line or super-ordinate goal. In fact, there really isn't even any kind of plot, which allows the player to feel in control. Games like Diablo II give constant instant gratification, and do not gradually take more and more time to reach rewards. Game-play at level 25 in Diablo feels just like game-play at level 10, whereas that is not the case in EverQuest. No one would play Diablo if you needed to camp a mob that only sometimes dropped an item. In fact, no one would play Diablo if you had to wait for a mob to spawn. But what sets EverQuest apart is that it is multi-layered and complicated in a way that few other games are. Everything from trade skills to faction, from mobs to their loot, from zones to planes, is complex and well-textured. Finally, it is different because it is massively multi-player, but while most multiplayer games are completely destructive, EverQuest has a decidedly constructive and cooperative tone to it. There is no blood in the game. No disemboweled intestines splatter on your screen. Instead, players often find themselves chatting while waiting for a mob to spawn. The ranger may be fletching as he recounts a particularly close battle. The warrior chugs some Dwarven Ale. There may be some emotes with playful, sexual overtones. In contrast with Quake or Diablo, this scene feels awfully relaxed and idyllic.

The massively-multiplayer nature of the game takes the virtual construct one step beyond just an elaborate Skinner Box. The problem with many people is that you can't have one box tailored to all of their reinforcement needs. But having them all in their separate Skinner Boxes is not interesting. The internet solves this problem by allowing individually tailored Skinner Boxes interact with others. And in this way, EverQuest has created a system of inter-connected Skinner Boxes, a Skinner Network even, where each Skinner Box is tailored to its host's needs and reinforcement schedule, and where individuals can interact with each other without sacrificing the integrity of their own construct. It is like the Matrix where everyone is isolated in their own nutrient vat, but where they can interact in a digitally-constructed world.

Calculus: Notes, Review, Brain explosions

2010-12-05T00:50:00.003-05:00

Ok so...

Trig. derivatives:

d/dx sin(x) = cos(x)
d/dx cos(x) = -sin(x)
d/dx tan(x) = sec(x)^2
d/dx sec(x) = sec(x)tan(x)
d/dx cot(x) = -csc(x)^2
d/dx csc(x) = -csc(x)cot(x)

Trig. integrals:

int[sin(u)du] = -cos(u) + C
int[cos(u)du] = sin(u) + C
int[tan(u)du] = -ln|cos(u)| + C
int[sec(u)du] = ln|sec(u) + tan(u)| + C
int[csc(u)du] = -ln|csc(u) + cot(u)| + C
int[cot(u)du] = ln|sin(u)| + C

e and related integrals/derivatives:

d/dx e^x = e^x
int[(e^x)dx] = e^x + C
int[(e^u)du] = e^u + C
d/dx e^u = (e^u)*u'
int[(1/u)du] = ln|u| + C
d/dx ln(x) = 1/x
d/du ln(u) = u'/u
d/dx a^u = a^u*u'*ln(a)
d/dx log(sub a)[u] = u'/[ln(a)*u]

Inverse trig. derivatives/integrals:

d/dx arcsin(u) = 1/sqrt(1 - u^2)
d/dx arctan(u) = 1/(1 + u^2)
d/dx arcsec(u) = 1/[x*sqrt(u^2 - 1)]

int[du/sqrt(a^2 - u^2)] = arcsin(u) + C
int[du/(a^2 + u^2] = (1/a)arctan(u/a) + C
int[du/[|x|sqrt(u^2 - a^2)] = (1/a)arcsec|(u/a)| + C

Hyperbolic trig. identities:

sinh(x) = [e^x - (e^-x)]/2
cosh(x) = [e^x + e^-x]/2
tanh(x) = [e^x - (e^-x)]/[e^x + e^-x]

Pythagorean hyperbolic identities:

cosh(x)^2 - sinh(x)^2 = 1

Product rule:

x*v = x(v') + v(x')

Quotient rule:

x/v = [v*x' - x*v']/v^2

Integration by parts:

int(u)dv = u*v - int(v)du

Integrating trig. powers:

int[cos(x)^m*sin(x)^m]dx =

'Odd exponent'

If m is odd, save a cos(x) for du.
If n is odd, save a sin(x) for du.

int[sec(x)^m*tan(x)^m]dx =

'Even/Odd exponent'

If m is even, save a sec(x)^2 for du.
If n is odd, save a sec(x)tan(x) for du.

If tan(x)^u is by itself, save a tan(u)^2 for du.
If sec(x)^u is by itself and odd, save a sec(u)tan(u) for du.

If an integral involves sqrt(a^2 - u^2), use u = a[sin(theta)]
If an integral involves sqrt(a^2 + u^2), use u = a[tan(theta)]
If an integral involves sqrt(u^2 - a^2, use u = a[sec(theta)]

Linear partial fraction decomposition:

A/(ax + b) + B/(ax+b)^2 + C/(ax+b)^3 + N/(ax+b)^n

Quadratic partial fraction decomposition:

(Ax + B)/(ax^2 + bx + c) + (Cx + D)/(ax^2 + bx + c)^2 + (A(sub n)x + Bn)/(ax^2 + bx + c)^n

L'Hôpital's rule:

Let f and g be differentiable functions on (a,b) containing c except possible at c. Assume g'(x) != 0 for all x in (a,b) except possibly c itself

If

lim as x->c f(x)/g(x)

is of indeterminate form, then

lim as x->c f'(x)/g'(x)

is equivalent.

Indeterminate forms:

0/0, infinity/infinity, infinity - infinity, 0*infinity, 1^infinity, infinity^0

If f is continuous on [a,infinity) then

int[f(x)]dx bounded by a to infinity
=
limit as b approaches infinity for int[f(x)]dx bounded by (a,b)

If f is continuous on [negative infinity,a) then

int[f(x)]dx bounded by negative infinity to a
=
limit as a approaches negative infinity for int[f(x)]dx bounded by (a,b)

If f is continuous on [negative infinity, infinity) then

int[f(x)]dx bounded by negative infinity to infinity
=
limit as a approaches negative infinity for int[f(x)]dx bounded by (a,c)
+
limit as b approaches infinity for int[f(x)]dx bounded by [c,b]

for a discontinuous value, c, of the function.

Similarly,

If f is continuous on [a,b) and has an infinite discontinuity at b, then

int[f(x)]dx bounded by [a,b]
=
the limit as c approaches b from the left for
int[f(x)]dx bounded by [a,c]

If f is continuous on (a,b] and has an infinite discontinuity at a, then

int[f(x)]dx bounded by [a,b]
=
the limit as c approaches a from the right for
int[f(x)]dx bounded by [c,b]

If f is continuous on [a,b] except for some c in (a,b) at which f has an infinite discontinuity, then

int[f(x)]dx bounded by [a,b]
=
int[f(x)]dx bounded by [a,c]
+
int[f(x)]dx bounded by [c,b]

Virtual Skinner's Box: Essay Excerpt #1

2010-12-05T00:50:00.002-05:00

Source: Virtual Skinner's Box Source

Almost everyone who has taken an introductory psychology course in high school or college has heard of B.F. Skinner. Skinner is an important figure in Behaviorism, and developed a learning theory known as Operant Conditioning. Skinner claimed that the frequency of a given behavior is directly linked to whether it is rewarded or punished. If a behavior is rewarded, it is more likely to be repeated. If it is punished, it becomes suppressed. This deceptively simple and straight-forward theory may explain why EverQuest is so addictive.

The rewards cycle in EverQuest begins with instant gratifications. When you start a new character, everything you need to do is close by - finding the guildmaster; finding mobs to kill. The first few mobs you attack die in several swings and you make level 2 in about 5 kills. By the time you make level 3 half an hour later, you are more aware of the underlying skill points, the accumulation of money, and gain a desire to get better equipment. Gradually, it takes longer and longer to get to the next level. The simple tasks that you did to improve trade skills have become trivial, but the rewards you get - the blue skill points and the metal bits - drive you to perform tasks more elaborate than before because trivial tasks are no longer rewarded. The one-click reward disappears, and is gradually replaced by rewards that take more and more clicks to get. And suddenly, some of us find ourselves clicking away for hours in front of a forge or jewellery kit.

This process of guiding an individual to perform more and more elaborate and complex tasks is known as shaping in Operant Conditioning. It is usually explained in textbooks in conjunction with Skinner Boxes. Skinner boxes are small glass or plexi-glass boxes equipped with a combination of levers, food pellets, and drinking tubes. Laboratory rats are placed into Skinner boxes and conditioned to perform elaborate tasks. At first, the rat is rewarded with a food pellet for facing the lever. Then it is rewarded if it gets closer to the lever. Eventually, the rat is shaped to press the lever. Once the rat learns that pressing the lever is rewarded, a food pellet does not need to be dropped every time and the rat will still continue pressing the lever. It is in the same way that EverQuest shapes players to pursue more and more elaborate blacksmithing or tailoring combinations. Moreover, EverQuest players continue to attempt elaborate combinations in the face of many costly failures.

There are several schedules of reinforcement that can be used in Operant Conditioning. The most basic is a fixed interval schedule, and the rat in the Skinner Box is rewarded every 5 minutes regardless of whether it presses the lever. Unsurprisingly, this method is not particularly effective. Another kind of reinforcement schedule is the fixed ratio schedule, and the rat is rewarded every time it presses the lever 5 times. This schedule is more effective than the fixed interval schedule. The most effective method is a random ratio schedule, and the rat is rewarded after it presses the lever a random number of times. Because the rat cannot predict precisely when it will be rewarded even though it knows it has to press the lever to get food, the rat presses the lever more consistently than in the other schedules.

A random ratio schedule is also the one that EverQuest uses. Both melee and trade skill points increase after a random number of attempts. You know you won't get skill points unless you practice the skill, but you don't know how many attempts it will take to get another skill point. Level increases also take a random number of kills. You know that you won't gain a level by standing around, but you don't know exactly how many mobs you need to kill. Because the time it takes to level can be estimated however, one might argue that level increments follow a fixed ratio rather than a random ratio schedule. It is the presence of experience penalties from dying that randomizes this estimation, because it is hard to estimate deaths. The ability for certain classes to use effective strategies (druid quad-kiting for example) at certain levels also means that a higher level may be completed in less time than the level before it. Veteran players know that just because you can get a bubble of experience in half an hour today doesn't mean you can do it again tomorrow, because class demand and grouping conditions change even in the same zone from day to day.

A completely transparent experience points system would be a fixed ratio schedule because you have a very good grasp of how many more solo kills it takes to gain a level. Thus, if EverQuest exposed the underlying numerical experience points and told you how many points a mob gave you, and how much more experience you need to gain a level, it would be less effective as a reinforcement schedule. A system that can most effectively hint at progress without sacrificing this opacity maximizes the random ratio schedule, and this is why the recently implemented blue macro-view line in the experience bar enhances the schedule already in place. This is particularly true for mid-level players who would get frustrated by the normal experience bar that moved too slowly, and thus made them feel that progress was not being made.

The presence of multi-layered and overlapping goals in the game allow players to pursue multiple rewards concurrently. You need more experience to gain levels so you can kill bigger creatures. Along the way, you need more money to buy better equipment. You may want to develop trade skills, complete quests, travel across Norrath, or camp a rare spawn. Most of the time, you'll be doing several of these at the same time. In fact, the game forces you to. You can't keep up with mobs if you level but don't buy new gear. You can't continue blacksmithing if you run out of money. What this means is that you're always close to a goal - a reward. You are seldom far away from all possible rewards.

Calculus Notes: Infinite Series and Tests

2010-12-05T00:48:00.002-05:00

Notes on Infinite Series Tests

a_n ---> nth term of a sequence
a_1, a_2, a_3,...,a_n <--- sequence

Summation of a_n (1,infinity) <--- series

Let L be a real number. The limit of a sequence {a_n} is L if

lim as n approaches infinity of a_n = L

Converge --> a value
Diverge --> infinity or negative infinity

Ex) a_n = 2/n!
lim (2/n!) as n-> infinity

~~(2/n(n-1)(n-2)...3*2*1) = 0 bottom blows up

Let lim as n-> infinity of a_n = L and lim n-> of b_n = M

Then:

lim n-> infinity (a_n +- b_n) = L +- M

lim n-> infinity c*a_n = cL (for any real number, c)

lim n-> infinity (a_n)(b_n) = L*M

lim n-> infinity [(a_n)/(b_n)] = L/M if M != 0

If lim n-> infinity for a_n = L = lim n-> infinity b_n and there exists an integer N such that a_n =< c_n ="<">= N then,

lim n-> infinity c_n = L Partial squeeze theorem

{a_n} is monotonic if a_1 =< a_2 =< a_n

OR

a_1 >= a_2 >= a_n

Ex) {1/n} = monotone decreasing

A sequence is bounded above if there is a real number M such that a_n =< M for all n.

A sequence is bounded below if there is a real number K such that a_n >= K for all n.

A sequence is bounded if it's bounded above and below

Ex) {1/n} bounded below by 0 and above by 1, also monotone decreasing

Ex) {2^n} bounded below by 2 and not bounded above

If a sequence is bounded and monotonic, then it is convergent

Ex) 1/(k^p) = bounded below by 0 because k^p summation is always greater than 0.

If {s_n} converges, then its corresponding series also converges.

If {s_n} diverges, then its corresponding series also diverges.

Telescopic Series

summation of [1/(n+1) - 1/(n+2) [1, infinity]

{s_n} = 1/2 - [1/(n+2)]

lim n-> infinity (1/2 - 1/(n+2) = (1/2 - 0) = 1/2

Series converges since its sequence of partial sums converges as previously verified.

Geometric Series

Must start with n = 0 or be altered to that state.

|r| < 1 = converges [b][Use a/(1-r) to find the sum)
|r| >= 1 = diverges

Ex) summation of 2(-1/2)^n [1, infinity]

n = 1, summation = -2
n = 0, 2/(1+(1/2)) - 2 = 4/3 - 2 = -2/3

Converges by geometric series since |r| < 1

Nth Term Test

If summation a_n converges, then lim n-> infinity a_n = 0.

If lim n-> infinity != 0, then summation a_n diverges.

P-Series

The infinite series summation 1/n^p [1, infinity] converges if p > 1 and diverges if p =< 1.

Remember harmonic: 1/n always diverges

Direct/Limit Comparison Test

a_n > 0 and b_n > 0

lim n-> infinity [(a_n)/(b_n)] = L where L is finite and positive.

summation a_n and summation b_n have the same behavior (both converge or both diverge).

Ex) summation 1/[a_n + b] [1, infinity] a > 0 and b> 0

a_n = 1/[a_n + b] b_n = 1/n

lim n-> infinity [(1/a_n + b)/(1/n)] = lim n-> infinity n/(a_n + b) = 1/a

L is finite and positive therefore it diverges based on the Limit Comparison Test because (1/n) also diverges.

Alternating Series Test

Let a_n > 0. The alternating series summation (-1)^n*a_n [1, infinity] and summation (-1)^(n+1)*a_n [1, infinity] converges if:

1) lim n-> infinity = 0

and

2) a_n+1 =< a_n for all n

Ex) summation (-1)^n*(1/n)

a_n = 1/n

lim n-> infinity (1/n) = 0

1 > 1/2 > 1/3 > 1/4 > 1/5

Converges by Alternating Series Test since lim n-> infinity a_n = 0 and a_n+1 < a_n.

sin(2n-1)*pi = behaves like (-1)^(n+1)

Ratio and Root Test

Let summation a_n be a series with nonzero terms.

1) If lim n-> infinity |(a_n+1)/(a_n)| < 1, then summation a_n converges absolutely

2) If lim n-> infinity |(a_n+1)/(a_n)| > 1, then summation a_n diverges

3) If lim n-> infinity |(a_n+1)/(a_n)| = 1, inconclusive test

For the series summation a_n:

If lim n-> infinity |a_n|^(1/n) < 1, then summation a_n converges absolutely

If lim n-> infinity |a_n|^(1/n) > 1, then summation a_n diverges

If lim n-> infinity |a_n|^(1/n) = 1, test inconclusive

Integral Test

If f is a positive, continuous, and decreasing function for x >= 1 and f(n) = a_n, then summation a_n [1, infinity] and int[f(x)dx] [1, infinity) either both converge or diverge.

Of Counter-Strike, Mice, and 'special' people

2010-12-05T00:46:00.000-05:00

So...you want to know why Counter-Strike is brought up so much? You're interested in what all the hype is about? Or, you're reading this out of boredom.

Either explanation is fine so sit tight and listen up.

CS is brought up so much because (stay with me here) it has been long seen as the epitome of FPS gaming. Don't play on the PC? L4D your first FPS game? Or completely oblivious to the FPS world? Well it doesn't matter because I'll explain it all to you since I've been around since the start of the PC FPS gaming culture.

CS has been around since 1999

Counter-Strike - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Counter-Strike's hit boxing, gun types, scoring method, and round/objective/reward attributes all contribute to this fact. They do so to the point that many games are now based off of CS's design. CS is incredibly realistic compared to other FPS games (such as TF, TFC, and TF2) and was phenomenal at its time of release. The fact that it is still played so competitively today speaks fathoms about it alone. Though it doesn't make things overly realistic like MW and MW2.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CS: A Look

Counter Strike is famous for the culture surrounding it, which includes everything from professional gamers and leagues, to excessive cheating and disruptive behavior. Certain professional teams (such as SK Gaming, mTw, NaVi and fnatic) have come to earn a living out of it, while other clans and community based groups neither lose nor earn money via member donations which are self-sustaining in return for administrator rights in servers involved in the community.

Counter-Strike remains extremely popular to this day. There are currently professional online leagues supporting Counter-Strike, such as the E-Sports Entertainment League (ESEA), and CyberEvolution, a pay-to-play league. Various LAN tournaments are held throughout the world such as the Electronic Sports World Cup (ESWC), the World e-Sports Games (WEG), and the World Cyber Games (WCG). Championship matches in these events are televised with commentary and analysis.

Half-Life and other contemporary games took full advantage of hardware graphics acceleration in the late 1990s, replacing earlier software-rendered games such as Quake. The continued popularity of Counter-Strike has meant that older video cards such as the 3dfx Voodoo3, ATI Rage 128, and Nvidia RIVA TNT2 remain useful.

There have been a multitude of games claimed by their developers, reviewers and fans to be "Counter-Strike killers," but none have seriously been able to dent its overall popularity.[citation needed] Server statistics in 2002 showed that Counter-Strike servers outnumbered their Battlefield, Unreal Tournament 2003 or Quake III first-person shooter counterparts at least 3 to 1.[10][not in citation given]

However, as criticism of Condition Zero showed, the GoldSrc engine has already been surpassed by several generations of newer engines. Even Counter-Strike: Source has been criticized for not progressing the gameplay enough and failing to take full advantage of the Source engine.[11]

In China's northern port city Tianjin, some police officers have used Counter-Strike as a tool for tactical training. [12]

And the most important part:

Counter-Strike - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Id's Quake III Arena and Epic's Unreal Tournament, both released in 1999, were popular for their frenetic and accessible online multiplayer modes; both featured very limited single player gameplay.[13] Counter-Strike was also released in 1999, a Half-Life modification with a counter-terrorism theme. The game and later versions (the latest being Counter-Strike Source, released in 2004) went on to become by far the most popular multiplayer first person shooter.[13]

First-person shooter - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Right there. See that bolded and underlined section? The epitome of FPS games.

That source leads you to here btw:

Guide to FPS | First Shot Fired

So some of us have actually been playing CS for over 11 years. In other words, we've been playing extremely realistic FPS games (source was a nice engine upgrade but it didn't alter mechanics drastically) longer than console players have ever had access to any sort of FPS equivalent.

If you've never played a realistic FPS game like CS or its counterparts up until this point, your opinion about whether the controller's performance in comparison to the mouse and keyboard is irrelevant.

That's right: no need to hear your opinion. You literally have no basis to understand the huge gap between what a controller and a keyboard/mouse can do if you've never played a game that requires high precision like CS. I've played plenty of console shooter games as I've owned an Xbox, Gamecube, and PS2 at some point or another. I own a Wii and 360 as well. I spent years playing Goldeneye and Perfect Dark. I grew up on games like Quake and Duke Nukem.

Furthermore, if L4D is your first FPS game...this is a bad thing. L4D isn't a true red vs blue team FPS game.

Why you choose a game like CS: S for individual skill assessment

I'd rather play CS because the gap in L4D isn't enough to demonstrate the point. The mouse/keyboard and controller really make little difference in games like L4D1/2: where precision isn't the primary focus. I could argue that they actually do make a difference (substantially) but let's just ASSUME they don't compared to other games.

L4D is a survival FPS game. You must rely on your teammates for the better portion of the game. In other words? Your achievements in L4D as an individual do not mean a damned thing. If you've got something to prove, step away from your team and pick up an individual FPS game.

Thinking my opinion is invalid at this point due to obligatory psychological responses?

Good news! Your opinion has already been nullified by the examples set forth by many others who thought the same thing and decided to post elsewhere.

Mouse vs Controller For FPS discussion on Kongregate
Quiksave - FPS: Controller vs. Keyboard & Mouse
Mouse and keyboard vs. Console controller: Let’s bury the hatchet
Console vs. Computer: FPS

That's just the first page of this:

FPS games controller vs mouse/keyboard - Google Search

Think that's all bologna? Good news! Your very own Microsoft conducted a lovely test that pits average PC players against 'elite' Xbox players if you're interested.

http://forums.steampowered.com/forum....php?t=1522907

All of this aside...you will never have the chance to demonstrate the extremes of accuracy and reflexes in L4D. The situations are rarely presented.

In CS, the one who gets the first set of shots off in the most accurate, precise, and reflexive way possible wins. Yes: there is a difference between precision and accuracy believe it or not.

Let's take one gun from the CS series: the AWP. It's a one hit, one kill sniper rifle. It is not an automatic. In other words, once you fire, you must wait a specified amount of time before firing again.

Maps often ban the use of the AWP because it makes games very boring. However, AWP games exemplify the true nature of sniping in FPS games.

Grab a drink and pay attention:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwLCVWtGK5c

Controllers are not capable of flickers.

You are not capable of pulling off the reaction required by even the most moderate of skilled players when it comes to the AWP on the controller. I'm sorry. Please wake up from your dream.

You will never be able to pull this off with a controller:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spGLsMY47Xo

Ever. The end. Period.

If you'd like to prove me wrong, upload videos that counter the proof provided here.

Please keep in mind the AWP is just one gun in CS: S. Each gun has a different playstyle. The AK-47 is notorious in the fact that it is horrible in the hands of an amateur but absolutely deadly in the hands of a pro. I'm not going to even bother to get into that gun in this post, though, since you can find data on it and compare it to the L4D2 version of the gun.

Conclusion: it's pretty simple to see why CS is used as a standard in my opinion. However, some people need just a little more convincing than others. And there you have it.

AV Jr.

2009-07-21T04:28:00.006-05:00

So, not a lot has happened since the last big update. I kind of 'quit' FFXI (aka taking an extended break) after my LS downed PW. I figured, what else is there to do in this game? I have my cap. I got to beat up an evil NM. I've been playing for 6 years and I'm thinking it might be time to quit for good.

But really...you can only kill so many zombies in L4D before it becomes old. There just isn't anything to do outside of FFXI.

Anyways, here's a few of the screenshots I managed to take since last time:

I may or may not reorganize them into a chronological order...if I ever get that bored.

Captain Cat

2009-06-28T11:05:00.007-05:00

Well, finally managed to get my last assault done today..and became a captain!

The last assault I had to do (Lost and Found - Ilrusi SM) was the 2nd most annoying assault I've done yet (Apkallku Breeding being the first).

Now I can sit back, relax, and do some Nyzul for once. ^^

Of ninjas and nematoads

2009-06-27T20:53:00.009-05:00

So, did some Tav tonight. MNK head did drop but I decided to pass to another guy...because earlier that night I had won kogga tekko.

His MNK was only 70 and mine is of course 75..with 4/5 for storage. But I had commented MNK as my #2 choice and went SMN as #1. Oh well! Guess it wouldn't be so bad to finish 4 sets in 4~6 months compared to 2 sets in 6 years.

In other news, I've managed to get 4/5 of the oracle set in about 2 weeks lawl. We trashed 4 bodies at Sarameya because I really didn't want to spend 250 DKP on them...so maybe I will this time around. I splurged and used 50 for the cap which looks like a condom...joy.

Managed to snag a pair of goliard clogs and sold my osode, putting me at 3.4 mil. Been a pretty good week....just wish macha's coat would drop more than once a year.

And, I'm finally one assault away from captain. Oh goody!

Already got another bunch of screenshots piling up. Glad I'm actually updating this more often, though. Will probably post them later this month.

Junk and stuff

2009-06-21T08:24:00.005-05:00

I'm running out of creative, non-repetitive titles. So, if you don't like them..suck it!

Figured I'd add my 70 pictures for this month since I've been seeking on RDM...for 2 hours. And yes, I have BRD commented in my seacom! Amazing isn't it? The one time I do want to merit I can't find a party. :P Guess it is pretty early in the morning (9 AM EST) to be complaining, though.

That said, this month...stuff happened, loot dropped, and people were happy (except Max who is now on pixie earring #46). You can deduce exactly how happy from the screenshots.

Dynamis stuff. Few funny things...

We ran Xarc for amanomurakumo fragment for Jayu. We decided to give DL a shot even though most our 2 hours were down and we were pretty low on numbers. Yeah, let's just say dynamic attack > 3x oblivion smash = hilarity insues! On top of that, SMN and MNK failed to drop again! Damned sets taking up too much room.

Dynamis-Sandoria...like the 6th time in 2 months. Again, for Jayu's GKT funding. So, in two of those pictures we are fighting the NIN NM and he decides to charm our melee. Good stuff. So our melee go off on a killing spree and snab 3 or 4 BLMs. The funny part is that we had to either nuke down a NIN NM (which, you know, has mijin gakure and it generally hurts) while someone kites the melee or sleep it and run for our lives. So we opted to nuke it down...and it blew up! Good thing those people who were charmed didn't take any damage. >_>

Anyways, I've started to collect the WHM and NIN sets since, generally, no one wants any AF2 besides RDM body and DL crap. *shrug*

Random salvage screenshot...'cause I hate frogs.

Various gods and such. Out of 5 Kirins, only 1 managed to drop w. legs (which 10 people including myself want). Got jacked on every jailer except prudence who dropped his torque. It's quite a nice BLM torque...and quite a few want it.

These are all the screenshots I took while leveling BST/doing BST AF. I am not going to sort them out! BST AF story was pretty lame until the AF3 cutscene. But, leveling in [S] areas was quite fun.

Einherjar. Odin jacked us twice this month (though I suppose n.head and h.legs/h.body/h.feet aren't too bad).

I haven't done much ZNM until I joined this shell. It has some very nice gear but doing tier 1-3 in one night when you have 10 pops to do is a bit much. We just did Tinnin's path last night and that took around 6 hours...I was about to pass out. Picked up some oracle gear, however.

Did a bunch of assaults. Most of those are FL ones. I'm now 4 away from captain!

Random KSNM99. Got about 8 eggs, which is all we wanted. A few decent money drops but no shoes.

Sandworm put out, though.

So I found this up and unclaimed in Crawlers' Nest while looking for my coffer. Stupidly, I claimed it not knowing that it could spam cure V, sleepga, pollen for 3000+ HP, and benediction. Yeah, that took a while. To top it off, I had a tiphia sting in my inventory at the time so I have no clue if it would have dropped or not. Memo's mule was on the way (Rolanberry) when it decided to final sting.

I met Xamec in Garlaige and we duoed on BST for a while. He told me he had just come back from a break and I offered to help him with BST AF3/dark spark/this fight. I haven't fought this guy in 4+ years..sure brings back memories!

I think this Ultima gave us feet/legs. No double turbans for once.

Up to pixie #46 I believe.

And here are the remaining Maat fights. I didn't even need to 2 hour WAR maat (mostly because my 2 hour wasn't up :P).

Edit: Behe camp again...so I have time to put some comments in.

DNPW

2009-06-21T06:36:00.010-05:00

So, while leveling for Maat's cap I would often run into less-than-skilled/geared players. I always regretted not making a mental note (read: notepad file) of them for future reference. Usually, I would screenshot those with poor gear (read: a RDM wearing dodge earrings and rajas ring in a merit party or a THF using the BRD JSE earring) so that would have been good enough.

But now that I am done with leveling job levels, I need merit levels. However: just because it is level 75 doesn't mean that people are any less retarded than they were from 1-74. Let's face it: anyone can get to 75 now days.

Hence, this is the do not party with list (DNPW). I will add the occasional name to the list as I see fit with brief notes as to why I would not party with them again.

What inspired this (besides the countless other players I've played with who have sucked): I decided to put up my flag this morning to merit a bit..ran into said retards. So, I'm just going to make a list and add little notes as to why I will never merit with said players again.

Heavendragon (75 SAM sub WAR) - No seigan in a 4 melee + 1 brd + 1 rdm party (aka: MP sink); meleed in STR rings and domaru

Hellraiser (75 SAM sub WAR) - Same story..no seigan, meleed in STR rings (a sun ring no less), and provided a very nice MP sink

Angerfist (75 BRD sub NIN) - Had to be constantly asked to keep ballad 2 on the mage...didn't check gear but I'm sure it was underpar as she/he almost never landed a lullaby on birds

Darklucifer (75 SAM sub NIN) - Meleeing in STR rings + pallas bracelets full time. Didn't do anything overly retarded (mostly because he couldn't pull hate off our level 72 NIN). The PT all together was a bust but he sure didn't help out. This isn't 2005, after all. The horrible thing is that you can see he has a Kirin Captivator title...good lord I feel sorry for his linkshell.

Kiriekils (71 WHM sub NIN) - Didn't party with her except in a skill up party. Didn't check her gear...didn't really need to. Basically, I just am adding her here so I remember her name in the future. Good old fashioned Japanese racism in a Boyadha Tree skill up party. I like it when they start talking in hiragana/kanji right in front of everyone else, usually with rude comments about the current party. It's especially funny since I can read Japanese!
In her case, she decided that she wouldn't cure me (but had no problem casting regen II/cure II on the JP SAM who already had full HP and was /DNC). It wasn't really a problem since I can solo steelshells just fine on my WAR with DNC sub. I also had my NPC out who is set to soothing healer. I just don't like WHMs who try to wield the power of life and death over other players...freaking twats on a power trip.

One thing that REALLY ticks me off is when I'm asked to BRD or heal for a merit party with melees who are less geared than one of my melee jobs. I'm a friggin' main job mage for my LS: I lot mage shit and I don't gear up my melee jobs as well as my mage ones (generally because I don't have the money to do both). However, my WAR/MNK/DRK/etc sure as hell do not melee in a level 54 sun ring and are appropriately geared to (at the very least) merit.

There is a reason I seek for merits on RDM yet put WAR/MNK/DRK/etc in my comment: RDM is better geared than my melee. If my melee jobs will bring down the performance of a well equipped merit party, then I am not going to play the role of leech.

But at the same time...if you are one of these gimp melees who constantly bring down the performance of merit parties, please go fucking level a BRD or RDM where gear matters much less for meriting and you can get away with wearing a level 54 INT or MND ring at 75 because refresh and haste don't really give 2 shits what you cast them in.

Anyways, I'm tired of helping undergeared, low skilled players level/merit. If you're going to play your job, play it right or go solo in campaign where you are the only person determining your exp/hour.

Ultimate Champion of the World

2009-06-19T11:29:00.009-05:00

Well...a 6 year old goal has finally been completed as of 6/19/2009 12:00 PM EST.

=)

Quite a cute cutscene...Maat is more poetic than I originally remember!

The journey has been long...but not fruitless. Thank you to all of those people who supported me, either directly or indirectly. This is what memories are made of.

Now, only 530 merits to go. -_- Maybe I'll level SCH or COR next. Both seem pretty interesting. But I really should merit some before I even consider either.

Goals, Equipment, and Merits

2009-06-18T01:39:00.004-05:00

＊＊＊＊Updated as of 6/25/2009＊＊＊＊

Goals

1) Merit till maxed..no more jobs till then!
2) Work on polearm on warrior for impulse drive
3) Do Mamool assaults for yigit gages to complete the set
4) Enjoy the remaining time in FFXI till FFXIV

Merits

Attributes

*Max: 5 per attribute
*Total: 5 points
*Level Pattern: 3, 6, 9, 9, 9

STR+1 (x4) [Current: 1] - 33 points

Combat Skills

*Max: 8 per weapon, 4 per defense
*Total: 20 points
*Level Pattern: 1, 2, 3, 3, 3, etc

Undecided weapon (x8) [Current 0] - 21 points

Job Specific Level 1

*Max 5 per skill
*Total: 10 points
*Level Pattern: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 for all of the below

Monk

Kick Attack Rate (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points
Focus Recast (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points

Red Mage

Earth Magic Accuracy (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points

Bard

Lullaby Recast (x5) [Current 1] - 14 points
Minuet Effect (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points

Ninja

Subtle Blow Effect (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points
Hyoton Effect (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points

Summoner

Avatar Physical Accuracy (x5) [Current 1] - 14 points
Avatar Physical Attack (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points

Warrior

Berserk recast (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points
Aggressor recast (x5) [Current 0] - 15 points

Job Specific Level 2

*Max 5 per skill
*Total: 10 points
*Level Pattern: 3, 4, 5, 5, 5 for all of the below

Monk

Invigorate (x4) [Current 0] - 22 points
Penance (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points
Formless Strikes (x1) [Current 0] - 3 points

White Mage

Devotion (x5) [Current 1] - 19 points

Black Mage

Freeze II (x4) [Current 1] - 19 points
Burst II (x4) [Current 1] - 19 points

Red Mage

Slow II (x5) [Current 1] - 19 points
Phalanx 2 (x5) [Current 1] - 19 points

Bard

Nightingale (x5) [Current 1] - 19 points

Ninja

Ninja Tool Expertise (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points
Hyoton: San (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points

Summoner

Heavenly Strike (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points
Meteor Strike (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points

Warrior

Warrior's charge (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points
Savagery (x5) [Current 0] - 22 points

Total merits required: ~551

Equipment

Dynamis
Assault/Nyzul/Salvage
HNM
Sky
Sea/Limbus
ZNM
Auction house

Monk

Head

Melee Crown

Hands

Enkidu's Mittens

Legs

Dryadic Abjuration: Legs

Feet

Usukane Sune-ate
Enkidu's Leggings
Nobushi Kyahan

Waist

Black Belt (Wyrm Beard)

Neck

Faith Torque

Black Mage

Main

Senior Gold Musketeer's Rod

Legion Scutum

Body

Nashira Manteel
Sorcerer's Coat
Oracle's Robe

Hands

Sorcerer's Gloves

Legs

Sorcerer's Tonban

Nashira Crackows

Neck

Prudence Torque

Novio Earring

Waist

Sorcerer's Belt

Back

Merciful Cape
Ixion Cape

Red Mage

Body

Nashira Manteel

Sub/Shield

Muse Tariqah

Hands

Nashira Gages
Yigit Gages

Legs

Wyrmal Abjuration: Legs

Feet

Nashira Crackows

Waist

Duelist's Belt

Back

Altruistic Cape

Bard

Head

Bard's Roundlet

Hands

Choral Cuffs +1 (have both +1 items)

Legs

Choarl Cannions +1 (need both after choral cuffs)

Back

Erato's Cape
Astute Cape

Earring(s)

Singing Earring
Wind Earring
Musical Earring

Ninja

Hands

Ninja's Tekko +1 (have both AF+1 items)

Legs

Dyradic Abjuration: Legs

Back

Boxer's Mantle

Summoner

Hands

Nashira Gages

Feet

Evoker's Pigaches +1 (have both AF+1 items)

Warrior

Head

Neptunal Abjuration: Head

Body

Neptunal Abjuration: Body

Hands

Neptunal Abjuration: Hands

Legs

Aurum Cuisses

Feet

Neptunal Abjuration: Feet

Dark Knight

Main

Naglering

Head

Neptunal Abjuration: Head

Body

Neptunal Abjuration: Body

Hands

Chaos Gauntlets +1 (have both AF+1 items)
Neptunal Abjuration: Hands

Feet

Neptunal Abjuration: Feet

BST: Mixed feelings

2009-06-15T02:22:00.012-05:00

I can't really think of one moment where I haven't hated leveling BST...from 1 to my current level. Nothing about it really appeals to me.

But I have to stop and ask myself a few questions when I realize I am downplaying BST:

1) Are my opinions influenced by the fact that I have leveled other DD jobs?
2) Am I spoiled due to TOAU exp parties?
3) Have I actually given BSTs a chance in the past?

I think the answer to the first two is clearly yes. I am pretty spoiled when I think 10K/hr is the standard for any job. Really, it is obtainable by any job with the right gear and a skilled person behind the wheel...but some jobs just have an easier learning curve than others.

As for the third question, I've never really had a chance to party with BSTs throughout my entire leveling experience on any job. Couple that with the fact that I never make my own parties and it is easy to see what the majority opinion is pertaining to BSTs and where they belong in a party (ie: not in one). The same goes for me....at least up until the last few days.

I didn't really think I could outparse a RNG or polearm SAM on birds but I was proven wrong. And I'm glad I was proven wrong. I just wish SE would stop fucking around with pet jobs and do something right for once. They have really pigeonholed jobs into certain roles to the extreme and have done little to fix it. I don't know how a company running a MMORPG can be so incompetant at times...some inner voice in me tells me that FFXIV will be the same way yet I still am going to try it. How stupid can I be? :P

It really is a shame to see so much potential go to waste because people perceive BST as a solo-only job.

So let me dispel that myth with two examples.

First example - LV 57 sync (first half) and LV 55 sync (second half)

This is the same party each time...we just had to wait for someone to hit 55 to resync. We also replaced one of the SAMs midway through...but with another SAM. Some of the SAMs decided to use soboro for part of the PT as well.

Considering all these factors, the setup looks like this:

The exp per hour is a little inflated due to me using two bands (anni. ring and empress). But we were doing pretty well..so well we had to kill bees. Rather, they had to kill us via final sting.

I ran a parse on this setup and came up with this:

My DD gear for BST looks a little something like this:

Hitome - BST/WAR

Food: Marrina Pizza, Squid Sushi, and Courel Subs

Main: Wrath Tabar
Sub: Balance Buckler
Ammo: Tiphia Sting
Head: Voyager Sallet
Body: Scorpion Harness
Hands: Jaridah Bazubands
Legs: Republic Subligar
Feet: Savage Gaiters (at the time of this party...currently Tabin Boots +1)
Neck: Peacock Charm
Waist: Life Belt
Back: Jaguar Mantle
Ear1: Storm Loop
Ear2: Spike Earring
Ring1: Sniper's Ring
Ring2: Jaeger Ring

Nothing overly impressive..but not gimp either. Two of the other melee were from my LS and were fairly well geared. The other two were not from my LS...Elvnmage had average gear and Frankie's gear was on par with mine.

I used Saber for a pet...and I am quite disappointed in jug pets as a whole. I kept my 2 hour (familiar) on him as long as I could without him dying. I would often snarl hate onto him after a berserked rampage. But the difference between a familiared pet and a non-familiared pet seems to be around 1% ACC/DMG in that particular setup. Extremely unimpressive. On top of that, he parsed 50% ACC. So I managed to pull off ~8% damage with him and 23.44% with my axe. So with my axe alone I outparsed two of the SAMs, 2nd highest damage dealer only second to Kyouhei (23.53%).

It was extremely close...but then you add on my pet damage and there is no contest. So even though the jug pets parse low accuracy and damage, they still are plenty to top you off on a parse against even jobs that are using piercing weapons for flying mobs.

Second example - LV 56-59 sync

The setup looked like this:

Zelly is from my linkshell (as well as Memo and Spudz). He and I have about the same gear...his being a bit better with the rajas ring.

This time, I didn't have an exp ring to use since this party was about 9 hours after the previously mentioned one. So, the exp/hour is pretty good considering. We had a bunch of asshats come in and try to camp on us midway through (fancy that, even with a search comment up). I asked them to politely move and they seemed to meet me halfway by backing up to the 2nd camp right before the leypoint.

The good news is three fold:

1) We actually had the leypoint this time
2) We had a tank so there were no deaths
3) Yes, WHMs can exp just fine

Granted, Memo was using Yoni as an outside healer..she really wasn't needed too much. Spudz did a great job!

Zyora was well geared as well and it definitely showed in the parse.

Anyways, the parse looked like this by the end:

As you can see, this time I didn't have it so easy! I was trailing behind both Zelly and Zyora with just my axe...but stick on the pet and I trumped them in the end. I have a feeling the SAMs yesterday were doing something wrong if this was the result of a MNK/WAR and RNG/NIN coupled with the same playstyle as I used yesterday.

I'm still pretty impressed with what BST is capable of. Snarl is an amazing ability...basically a super jump on a thirty second timer. It is unfortunate that it does not work on charmed pets, though.

I wish I could say that I look forward to parsing against a wider variety of damage dealers but I don't think I will be able to obtain another party. Both of those were either made by me or had a linkshell member who knew me. So, we'll see how it goes with me getting to 66.

I have grown to respect BST much more after viewing both of those parses. The problem is that most BSTs do not gear for partying. When they do get invites, they end up parsing low as a result. But that isn't entirely their fault due to the pigenhole stigma. Why gear for a party if you are never going to get one? :p

As a side note:

Full BST AF is incredibly sexy on a mithra. I think it may be my new second favorite AF set (after all, you just can't beat RDM).

Until next time!

The battle is over!

2009-06-14T03:53:00.000-05:00

Not all of my achievements are always in FFXI believe it or not. :p Over the past week I've been teaching myself to play this song:

Final Fantasy V - Battle with Gilgamesh

Here's someone playing it on YouTube (I think this is the best recording I have found):

Battle with Gilgamesh - YouTube

It's a fast type of song and I rarely play fast songs. Only four flats and a very straightforward playstyle. Quite a fun song in general!

My favorite parts have got to be the section leading up to 00:37 and the falling chords at 1:55 leading up to the 'embossed' theme at 2:00. Such an epic song.

Speaking of AF..

2009-06-13T19:14:00.010-05:00

I finally completed a relic set today after being 4/5 on about 5 other sets for 2~5 years. That's a lot of 5s! Ironically, it is the most unlikely set that I thought I'd finish considering 1) RDM AF2 is highly sought after 2) I had been 4/5 on MNK and SMN for years.

This really is the only AF2 set I wanted to complete since I consider RDM my main. It dropped on the first kill...we're still in Beauc. but no other RDM bodies have dropped for the 8 other RDMs who need it.. >_>

In a double wammy, I also picked this up for my WHM:

Two dropped (edit: 3 by the end of the run heh)..passed first one to a 53 WHM and then got pressured into taking this. haha

Edit: Wow...I am such a loot whore

I could've ended up with a BLM and BRD body but didn't feel like being that much of a whore. :P

15 sets of AF

2009-06-12T22:04:00.003-05:00

So, I finished my BST AF yesterday! That brings my total to 15 claim slips. Now, I just need to get to 60 to wear it. I think I'll either dig up old screenshots of me in full AF or make a montage in Whitegate with my model in all AF.

Sure, it'd be easier to use gear mod to make the montage but what fun is that! :P

The storyline for BST was rather bland..until AF3 cutscene. Reminded me of Lucky, especially the quote:

"As long as you are by my side, I need nothing else..."

Much to do about nothing

2009-05-30T23:02:00.000-05:00

Been a while. I'm tired of looking at the PW post so I decided to write another.

I have a bunch of screenshots from December09/January+February10 of WoW when I briefly went back. But I'm a little too lazy to post them and I honestly don't care that much to catalog those months.

I have given up on all MMORPGs...and pretty much all games besides Left 4 Dead 2. Even that is boring. I think I'm at that stage in my life where games just don't do it for me.

School is still monotonous. The spring semester was pretty successful with an A in Calc and Chem. I have yet to find a course that can really push my limits. I have a feeling differential equations will change that...or maybe linear algebra.

I've never really considered math my strong subject but apparently I'm pretty good at it. Calc II isn't much different than Calc I even though my professor is a little weird.

I spend most of my days biking or going to the gym. Who knew real life could be more entertaining than the gaming world, huh? Got back in shape and have been feeling pretty good.

During my brief adventure in WoW last winter/early spring, I got depressed for no reason. I ended up going to see a psychologist since I've been in a rut for ~5 years now. To my surprise, he actually was (and continues to be) helpful. Turns out my sleep problems are caused by depression which I apparently didn't know I had.

He termed it 'chemical resistant a-typical depression'. Basically a nice way of saying "I have no clue what type of depression you have and anti-depressants are a waste of time". I like this since I agree with the last part. I've pulled myself out of the rut with sheer willpower.

I started piano lessons back up. I never really quit playing the piano...I just don't 'practice' like I should. My teacher has been with me since I first began at the age of 6. Even though I'm playing material that she is unfamiliar with (and can't play), she still understands the music theory much more than I do. So I've been relearning music theory that I had forgotten as a child. You never really pay attention to the theoretical part of music as a kid.

I mean, who really gives a shit about the chromatic or diatonic scale when you're in elementary school and there are things like Power Rangers to distract you, right? Well, it comes back to bite you in the ass later on when you're trying to learn something like Rachmaninoff's Prelude Op 23 No 5.

Even then that's not a very 'theoretical' song. Most of the theory helps out on Chopin's works.

I recently finished this particular Impromptu by Schubert. I love it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkqDEh-fXVI

Zimerman does a wonderful job of playing it.

I think my next project will be Dancing Mad - Reborn:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpdjxaiZof4

That piece has a bit more theory in it...especially the scales. It's very fun overall. From FFVI played during the battle with Kefka. The orchestrated version is wonderful. =)

You know in my post about Lucky's death, I mentioned that I would probably never find another cat I could relate to as much as with him. But it seems God threw me a curve ball and sent in Tippy: either Lucky's brother or reincarnation.

We've really bonded quite a bit over the past 7ish months. I've got quite a few pictures of him...might upload them when I get the time since they're on my desktop.

He sits on the same spot of my bed that Lucky did. He purrs the same (something remarkable in itself). He has the same rebellious personally. He loves to knock crap off my desk (or any high up surface, really). He sleeps on my Calc book while I do homework in the dinning room. And dear God he has so much energy in the early mornings. He tears around the house harassing Sander (who has finally learned to fight back). Looking at his eyes when he's excited always reminds me of Lucky. He likes the same catfood/treats. And he has a brilliant white coat on his under area/paws.

But above all he's very sweet when he's around me.

It sounds nice and all, right? But it's also kind of sad. Now I have the unfortunate fate of watching my best friend depart this world twice.

That got me down for a while but I realized it's the time he spends with me that is most important.

Here's some of Sander. His eyes are always so hard to photograph. They're a brilliant blue plus they're cross-eyed! :P He's a mixed breed of Siamese and...something else.

Anyway enough about my cat. Since I don't play games anymore I've had so much free time on my hands. I spent most of it watching movies. I've never really been too into the film scene but that's probably because I've been too lazy to rent them.

I found one of those free streaming websites that hosted just about every movie possible. Found quite a few interesting ones out there and have some new favorites. Sadly, all of those websites have been taken down thanks to this little ploy:

http://articles.latimes.com/2010/jul/01/business/la-fi-ct-piracy-20100701

Meh only a matter of time till another slew of sites pop back up out of their jurisdiction.

Besides that, I've really gotten into cycling. I desperately need a new bike but have been putting off buying one...because I also desperately need a new car.

At first it was just a way to exercise but biking on the trails in Florida can be quite fun if you change up your routes every so often. It's a great way to get back to nature after being surrounded by concrete.

I stopped biking last year around November (when it started to get cold). I really hate biking in cold weather because it becomes harder to breathe. We'll see how it goes this year...might just have to stick to cardio machines at the gym.

People tell me I'm crazy but I really do enjoy biking in the blazing heat. If you're hydrated, biking at noon on hot days really isn't too bad. Most people are never properly hydrated, though. I love summer since it allows me to go for a ride and then come back and jump in the pool. Showers just don't give you the same rush when you dive into freezing water and get the initial shock.

Of course, now the pool water is the same temperature as the atmosphere (~96 degrees) so it's more like bath water than anything. =(

So that psychologist I mentioned...he actually specializes in neurology which is the reason we were recommended to him to begin with. He's pretty renowned in our area down here.

It sounds a little cheesy but he actually has helped me learn more about why I am the way I am. It's rare for me to find another person that I like to talk to much less respect their opinions when they do offer them up. He probably is functioning like a substitute father figure right now but that's a whole other mess.

He has helped me stay on a relatively normal sleep pattern, teaching me exactly how many hours of sleep I need a night and the optimal times that I should fall asleep/get up by. We've kind of strayed off the sleep/depression issues lately and gotten into more personal material. We'll see how that goes.

One of the areas that isn't too personal involves my career choices. I still don't know if I want to pursue Computer Science. I obviously have the ability to do all this math but I haven't really been exposed to the computer aspect of it yet. He told me I could always go back after I get my B.A. and learn how to teach CS at the high school/community college level with a master's degree if I wanted to. That gave me some hope.

Just seems I'm more suited for a social science field like sociology or psychology. I find them so much more interesting. Heck, I find the piano much more interesting. Who wouldn't? I don't even think Newton was too thrilled about his law of cooling.

Anyways that's what's going on currently. Pretty boring but that's my life. Hopefully I won't feel the need to post here in the future less something shocking happens.

じゃな

After 6 years...

2009-05-30T20:03:00.003-05:00

My aquarian set is finally complete. Ironically, I've been needing the boots for about 4 years since I've had the other 4 pieces for that long (last I uncursed were the slacks).

So, I've been camping KB a lot lately and I decided to spend points on them. Then, I did something stupid and tried to have the boots crafted...

Yeah that didn't go so well. I usually learn my lesson the first time something like this happens. The time I tried to have my cursed slacks crafted the macrame failed and both hairs were lost. This time, the macrame was synthed fine but the boots failed and yeah...

So, now I just need to work on my cap! BST is already 48...shouldn't take that long.

Quick update

2009-05-22T17:59:00.004-05:00

Figured I'd update this more often so I don't have a crap ton of screenshots to upload each time. And, because I just beat my 14th Maat! One more to go...I am dreading leveling BST. It's stuck at 42 at the moment.

Believe it or not, this took 3 tries. I failed the first two times because my seigan + third eye lasted all of 1 hit. He pretty much decimated me with his own meikyo shisui, resulting in my inability to get my 4th and 5th weapon skill off.

The third time I decided that enough was enough...bought a blink band like I should have to begin with and he only got one hit in (spinning attack). It was so much easier. Guess I shouldn't underestimate Maat so much.

Proto-Omega...dropped crap.

KV..dropped nothing but 23 gil. :X

We were rewarded for all our shitty luck on Odin, however.

Bahamut gave us a staff...that no one wanted. I was tempted to lot it but I don't want to go into negative DKP for a job I rarely get to play anymore.

Got my access to Dynamis-Tavnazia finally. Should be fun next time they do it.

More Sandworm + Serket...which dropped crap of course.

This was a fun fight, though. Tier 4 ZNM on Mount Z. Sarameya the Cerb-type NM. He dropped crap. I was also tempted to lot an oracle cap and robe that no one wanted but...again...don't need negative DKP for crap I don't really need.

Ran into these two doing some samurai testimony farming...and of course they didn't drop anything good (not that they have anything worthwhile to drop anyways). I just was impressed that I was able to kill both of them with relative ease. Composure and cocoon freaking rock.

Anyways, that's all I have to report for now. I was able to make some cash back from selling SAM gear but that also means I need to start on BST. ; ; I'm a pretty good soloist on RDM and SMN..but I always manage to die on BST. Hopefully things will be easier now that I have release to work with.

Till next time.

Oh lawd

2009-05-17T09:12:00.023-05:00

I've got more screenshots than I know what to do with. I probably shouldn't have waited so long to update but I usually have very little interest in posting anymore. I'll either post when I'm seeking on DRK (LFG+15 hours) or camping KB for the 53rd time this month. Since I'm currently doing the later, I figured why not? I don't have anything better to do.

To summarize the last month or so with what I've been doing:

Leveled THF to 68 and beat Maat on third attempt; by far the hardest Maat I've done yet

Leveled RNG to 66 and beat Maat 1/1

Leveled DRG to 66 and beat Maat 1/2 (macroing in double thrust is a bad idea btw)

Leveled PLD to 66 and beat Maat 1/1 (easiest fight so far)

Got off my butt and used DRK testimony to beat Maat yet again 1/1

Spanked Maat on RDM, obtaining the record of 53 seconds 1/1

Did the same thing to him on MNK and broke another record 1/1

ACP from start to finish in about 3 days

Sergeant to First Lieutenant (18 away from Captain)

SAM from 37-65 (got soboro with a random group..don't use it much anyways)

THF AF set (boring story), SAM AF set (boring story),

Couple medals in campaign..that will be my next project to max out

WotG missions from start to finish (Windurst story/quests...one hell of a story)

BST from 32 to 43; it will be my last Maat job (<\3 BST)

Dynamis, Salvage, Einherjar, and Limbus out the wazoo

A bunch of random little events here and there (ZNMs, ugg. pendant, Ouryu, etc)

I actually merited...quite a bit

So that's about 300 screenshots in total. I'll upload the WotG Windurst screenshots in another post if I feel so inclined.

Versatility ended up not working out. A little too casual for my tastes and people started to just not show up towards the end.

I joined a JP shell after that. But, their lotting system kind of blew (especially for dynamis) and 8 AM EST limbus is just not as fun as it sounds. When I told the JP leader things weren't working out, he exploded. It was rather funny. He babeled something about NAs being useless because they never stick around long enough...I babeled something about JPs always asking me to help with Ullikummi after dynamis even though I already have a sky shell. That pretty much shut him up.

I decided to switch my class schedule around so that I could attend normal event hours for EST. I have found a very skilled LS and my two week trial just ended yesterday. We'll see how things work out with them. But on the plus side, I've gotten to do more things with them than I have with all of the linkshells I have been in combined and then some.

That said, secret technique: browser explosion ACTIVATE!

THF AF3

Soboro run

FL cutscenes

Only took 3 tries. >_>

Double thrust macro made me fail the first attempt..damned level sync.

But I had my revenge on MNK.

I dat swapped that neat looking campaign WS with savage blade.

Then did some more dat swapping for RNG.

Uggalepih pendant for a friend. Got mine two fights before that.

ACP fight/cutscene. That kid is freaky.

PLD Maat

RNG Maat. Real men skill up on Maat. >_>

DRK Maat.

Finally saw these drop (twice, even) after 5 years of Sandoria. Makes me 4/5 on SMN AF2.

Then in a random PUG JP run, I got lucky on RDM boots.

I liked this area of Grauberg.

Sandworm/Guivre which produced full drops.

Astral burn

Dynamis-Qufim

Tier 4 ZNM Khimera

Tier 3 Einherjar

Salvage

Tier 3 ZNM

Dynamis-Valkurm

Tier 2 Einherjar...ironically more detrimental than our Tier 3 run. Those slimes are brutal.

Ouryu

Finished the aquarian abjuration set...just looking for cursed pumps on the AH now. :X

DL

Very happy cat.

End of dynamis cutscene.

Just missing some of the newer gear...like goliard feet and morrigan crap. :|

SAM AF3

Three 3 ToAU beastmen kings.

I think this was tier 1...hilarity ensued when Errata got charmed and Fira fired a laser into him. >_>

Cleared the entire Dynamis-Windurst zone twice. Never seen that done before.

This is probably the highest exp/hour I've gotten while running expwatch outside of a merit party.

Horsie

FL assault

Ultima

SCNM

I might just add comments later....>_> Most of them are self explanatory.

Beat Maat up
Freaky cutscene with ACP kid
Astral burn
Sandworm
Ouryu
Einherjar
Salvage
KB (got my final piece of zenith off him...just need some cursed pumps now)
Duelist's Chapeau/Boots and Summoner's Pigaches
Ixion
Proto-Ultima
Dynamisx4 (including DL...beat dynamis after 5 years >_>)
SCNMx2
FL assaults
Namas arrow dat swapping in campaign
Soboro run
ZNM (Khim and others)
3 TOAU beastmen kings

Back to camping KB /doze

Edit: Scratch that...

Of course when dominion is packed we get claim on NQ. GFG

Edit Edit: But hey..we got claim the next day again. KB gave us another pixie earring. (・_・)凸

Till next time...

HARRRRRRRRR

2009-03-11T18:30:00.003-05:00

VE's reign of terror has finally come to an end. 26 total kills; two with TH2 and 24 with TH1

SUCK IT!

In other news (and a slew of screenshots I don't want to upload at the moment):

-Chief Sergeant (5/25)
-THF to 53 (w/ Rap. harness thanks to Guil)
-Some other crap I'm forgetting at the moment

Probably will wait a month to upload the rest of my screenshots. :P

Reminiscence

2009-03-04T05:03:00.015-05:00

So I figure it's about time to add some pretty pictures to this before I get over 150+ like some of my older posts on Xanga. Definitely don't need an exploding browser at the moment.

I spent a little time on RNG...getting it to 60 for full AF. Then decided to take it to 63 for fransica before I temporarily retired it. It gets a bit expensive past 60 due to demon quiver cost and I was low on money at the time. RNG, itself, is a very fun job to play. I didn't spend too long seeking at any given level. I pretty much attribute this to RNG + colibri = holy crap. I'm sure COR isn't far behind with the proper setup.

During my time seeking when party invites were slow, I'd go to dunes and camp my old pal VE. Ended up going 0/21 on him (THF sub on RNG). So when I go to level THF, I hope I have better luck in that blasted desert. I should make a collage of all the insect wings I've gotten but that would be quite a long image. :|

I managed to get into a party with a decent bard who taught me a bit about RNGs and food. He was going for Maat's cap, himself, and invited one of his RNG friends to come along. Her gear was of higher quality than mine but I still managed to hold my own. I was just thrilled to be in a party with another ranger, TBH, let alone an elvaan female one (rare).

I took a break during the buffs to Nyzul and all the fancy items that were added. Of course, when I came back, no one was interested in climbing: everyone is too busy farming. One evening I saw a shout for a 1-20 climb. Joined it. We did fairly well for a pickup, getting to floor 10 in 4 tries. I really dislike Nyzul due to the fact that it takes assault tickets making assaults rarer in the process because everyone wants to do Nyzul.

Speaking of assaults, I managed to rank up to Sergeant about 2 weeks ago. It was a very easy quest but interesting at the same time.

I also finally decided to unlock my trial great axe. I absolutely hate great axe. It is probably my least favorite weapon in the entire game. Don't get me wrong though: I like 2 handed weapons. I just can't stand the crude nature of the great axe. I was a bit sad when everyone switched from dual wield to great axes. I am working on getting a perdu voulge but I'd rather spend 48K ISNM on something I actually play.

Limbus and Dynamis are probably my two favorite activities. Unfortunately, I can't seem to find a shell that fits my odd schedule. I do Limbus non-schelantly with a sister LS and don't do dynamis at all for the moment.

Random sky farming screenshots.

DRK...where to start. As you can see, I made it to 74 finally. And then made it to 75 shortly after through the use of campaign. That means it took me 2 and a half years to level this job from 37 to 75 where my normal job to 75/year ratio is around 3~4 (or had been back then). I've never had to make a party on any job I've leveled and some of them aren't exactly high priority for invites. Except for the ocassional fluke invites, I would often seek for 8~12 hours in a given 2 day period without seeing so much as a tell from somebody. It was quite ridiculous. I had all my spells..my gear was above average..and I wasn't one of those DRKs.

I definitely noticed a lack of invites from the JP population (since that is when I seek) but it was almost as bad during NA time when I was up then. I love DRK and the complexity behind it but I definitely do not like the current image and stereotype it garners. Simply put: there are too many horrible DRKs and too few decent/good ones.

Decided to take my PLD to 75 next (currently 63). It's on hold because, quite frankly, I'm getting bored of FFXI and the repetitive exp grind yet again.

I did the AF quests for it which were fun like always. That puts me up to 12 sets I believe.

I also leveled my DNC sub seeing as how I would have made great use of it during campaign as my DRK...too bad it's now 75 and I don't need it. I must say, though, it made soloing steel cyclone trial points and MNK campaign much easier.

Bard: the reason I always get fed up with the exp grind. God what a boring job. But I need the merits (read: 600+) so I busted it out for a while.

Ran Nyzul with a LS group. I didn't know any of the people there (they joined the LS after I had took my break). It went 'ok'ish. Did about the same as the pickup group I had.

We TP burned Kirin for the first time the other week (1 minute 15 seconds). We used 2 hours the first time. The second time we tried without. We ended up wiping..but that was expected I guess. Certainly beats the heck out of kiting him for 45+ minutes.

This LS also does sea now, to my surprise. They seem to be doing fairly well and haven't encountered a problem except for prudence...and I really don't blame them for having problems with prudence as he is one mean dolphin.

Finally got my Gomlek..which I had been typing as Golmek for over a year before I actually purchased it and saw the name. :P It works wonders on BRD. Decided to also buy a minstrel's ring to compliment it. It makes playing BRD bearable.

Did a KSNM run with a bunch of BLMs that all happened to be taru except for myself and the hume male. It was fun..I of course got crap and they all got either a v. claw or serket ring. :P

However, my luck changed once again. I managed to get another two hedgehog bombs to drop during a Brother ENM run. It was quite a present seeing as how I was broke. Now I'm sitting at 800K with nothing to spend it on except minor upgrades. :\

Helped a friend get some HP to MP gear for his sorcerer ring. Haven't camped this guy since I got mine over 3 years ago. It is sitting in storage collecting dust. =) I don't know why I just don't throw things like that out...I guess they have sentimental value.

Then I did a bunch of random assaults to obtain the rank of Sergeant Major...only two to go till SL and perdu weapons.

Got revenge on BLM Maat for kicking my butt twice: once at 69 then another at 75 a few years ago.

And spent the rest of the time actually having fun in a game doing campaign.

So not a terribly busy last few weeks/months but enough to keep me interested...for now.

Reporting in

2009-02-03T20:49:00.024-05:00

Been a while. Haven't really felt the need to keep a blog outside of playing MMORPGs. I mean, you can only take so many pictures of Left 4 Dead till they all look the same. :P

Anyways, life has been going better since my last post. Surprisingly, Lucky's death did not cause me to lose focus in school. Walked away with 3 hard earned As for the winter semester and plan to do the same this semester. I have so much free time that I actually do my homework now. And any time I do homework I usually get nothing less than an A (usually a B student).

My sleep disorder still hasn't disappeared despite me being off most sleeping medications. I have a feeling I never will truly be rid of it. I only hope that sleep disorders are actually recognized as the life wrecking menaces that they are. I guess they really aren't because people can function on little to no sleep, there are numerous sleep medications on the market (that are all very addicting and produce tolerance over time), and this country just doesn't care if your school or work performance suffer as a result of lack of sleep. People fail to realize that these 'tiny' accidents occur when people go through chronic sleep deprivation coughchernobylcough. Oh well, I guess the general populice is just slow to learn.

Anyways, I finally have a reasonable amount of L4D screenshots. It is a very fun game and I would recommend it to anyone who enjoys zombie-based games, shooter games, co-op games, or, heck, games in-general. Though that doesn't stop certain people (a certain hooker comes to mind...) from buying it.

That said, I won't add any descriptions for the screenshots. Partly because I don't want to add 40+ different descriptions..and partly because you should buy the game if you want a description! =p

Steam Community - Kagato's Profile

They're just for fun but some of them are quite hard. Took me a while to get them all. I think I had 51/51 at the end of January of 2009 and got the game in November of 2008.

Besides L4D, I've been working on the piano like usual.

I finished the Final Fantasy X - Ending Theme last month:

Final Fantasy X - Ending (piano)

The guy in the video plays the presto (fast) parts a tad better than me but my dynamics are better and I am more observant of speed (he speeds up in places he shouldn't, plays parts too loud, etc).

I don't have a current piano project. I've just been fiddling around with Chopin preludes, particularly Op 28 No 13:

Prelude Op 28 No 13 - Chopin

I had to quit piano last week because I could never attend lessons due to my weird sleep. I was hoping to learn Fantasie Impromptu before I had to quit again but that didn't happen. It pretty much is my ultimate goal so I can say I am a fairly accomplished pianist. But, I need a teacher to learn it since it is quite a fast song.

I found a very interesting piece written for one of the Japanese-based Disney animations called Howl's Moving Castle:

Howl's Moving Castle Theme - Piano

It isn't hard and I already have it down..it's just a nice piece to listen to, in my opinion. Then I moved on to work on FFIX - Frontier Vilalge Dali and FFVIII - Ending Theme. Both are pretty easy..they just have some extremely fast parts that I need to work on. FFIX - Vamo ala Flamenco is another story...it has a difficult rhythm and is also pretty fast.

I quit watching anime after I finished watching the rest of Naruto Shippuuden. It just doesn't really interest me anymore, I guess.

And lastly, I reactivated my FFXI account the other day. I logged in for about 30 minutes then asked myself, "Why did I like this game again?". Guess I just have overplayed it and will never find it fun ever again. :\ Hopefully a new MMORPG will surface and catch my interest, else I see a future full of zombies. :P I just hope something does soon since I have nothing better to do with my spare time than slay zombies mindlessly.

I probably should finish my first core paper and read up on some chapters I have been slacking off on...but come on: it's lit. 2 and bio 2. Not two subjects I have a hard time with. This semester has no math-related courses in it and is going to be to boring...but I get to look forward to calc 1 and 2, physics with calc 1 and 2, and a whole bunch of other crap once I get my AA in computer science. Apparently I'm pretty good at math, having made an A in my precalc class over the winter after 2 years of not taking any math courses (algebra 2) and even longer since high school precalc and calc. Just a matter of doing your homework...

Anyways, that's all for this time. Who knows when I'll post again. またねヽ(´―｀)ノ

Drifting

2008-09-29T20:46:00.002-05:00

Well I've finally managed to drop all activities related to MMORPGs. The burnt out condition will never heal and I've finally come to realize why. All MMORPGs are the same; when you first begin to play one, you are entranced by its atmosphere and your character. What I call the novice perspective.

After trying out Warhammer and Age of Conan, I realize that they are just remodeled versions of FFXI, RO, and WoW. I will never have the 'magic' of starting anew again.

It's kind of a sad feeling but expected, none-the-less.

So, with that said...

The summer semester ended a long time ago. Turns out I aced all 3 of my classes that I took, which I expected since I actually put effort into them (something I rarely do). In my off time I've been honing my skills on the piano (I was taught for about 8 years and have been playing for about 15).

It's rather ironic, though. I recently upgraded my computer (during the summer semester) to play Age of Conan, which has notoriously high minimum/recommended settings for computer specs. However, now I use it to play a 12 year old game (Starcraft) and Counterstrike: Source. Granted, I do enjoy the very high FPS ratings in Source, it still feels like a waste of money! I hope something decent comes out here in the next few months for the computer. It really doesn't look too good as it seems now.

The only thing I really am wishing to play is Starcraft 2 and Diablo 3. SC2 has, apparently, been delayed (again) till early 2009. That means D3 will most likely be late 2010 or even early 2011. Blizzard is notorious when it comes to their slow development of games. I guess I am a "Blizzard kid", growing up playing mostly Blizzard-based online games and eventually playing WoW. I admit they are a force to be reckoned with when it comes to online games...but they are just so dang slow! From another point of view, the slow speed at which they produce titles could be the reason they are so popular.

At any rate, those two games, alone, don't take up nearly enough of my time. Within 30 minutes to 1 hour, I grow tired of killing people in CS:S and, if I can't find a decent UMS RPG to play, SC usually takes about the same time.

So..besides classes what have I been doing?

Watching anime. ~_~

I seriously want the 4400 minutes of my life back from watching all 220 episodes of Narutard. Shippuuden really isn't that much better, though I do enjoy seeing more of Akatsuki.

Bleach is plagued with fillers, at the moment. In about 2 weeks, we will be resuming the original plot line (thank God!) to where we left off in Hueco Mundo. It seems like Bleach has lost its 'magic' as well. I used to really enjoy it and it gave me a happy feeling watching it. I guess that can't always last, though.

Code Geass R1 and R2 have been interesting. Of course CG has its problems but it is a refreshing change of pace from the above two.

I also managed to finish up with Blood+ (originally I had been watching the dub on CN: AS). I really enjoyed it. I think it probably is my favorite anime, currently, just because I am so fed up with the fillers of the mainstream anime. The same goes for Death Note. I didn't really like the ending but it was an entertaining story. It has a lot in common with CG as far as plot twists are concerned.

I have been rewatching a ton of old anime in subtitle form, as well. Witch Hunter Robin was great (I love the opening theme). Trigun was very interesting subbed. Tenchi Muyo (always a favorite of mine) was also interesting subbed. I didn't get to see Tenchi Universe because I couldn't find it fully subbed. Though it is where the name Kagato came from, to begin with, so long ago.

I'm currently watching FMA subbed. Though I've seen the entire series in dub, I really have come to hate dubbing all together because, for the most part, it is so horribly done. "Once you watch subs, you don't go back to dubs" is a better term I suppose. Not to mention watching subtitles while listening to the Japanese language is a great learning tool and helps me understand Japanese a bit better. I'm surprised I've gotten this far by just teaching myself.

Other than the ocassional Shin Chan episode (<3 Action Bastard), not much else has been going on. The fall semester is pretty damn boring minus my calc class. I suck at math but if I do the homework I usually do very well. The problem is I'm a big procrastinator and don't like to do said homework. =p I still have nightmares about statistics...

It's Barren In Here!

2008-05-30T21:18:00.007-05:00

So...I think it's time to add some pictures to my new blog just to make it not look so barren.

Limbus:

Birthday with the new LS:

Good ol' fashioned Japanese racism:

Dancer leveling:

Gods

I use a ton of coins for that damn warp taru...:

Leveling SCH at the moment (26):

Not much to add. Just wanted some pretty pictures listed.

Gone..but never forgotten (In memory of Molly, 2001-2009)

2008-05-30T19:34:00.000-05:00

On Wednesday May 27th, 2009 a very special member of my family passed away. Her name was Molly, a chocolate Labrador retriever.

Molly was never originally my dog. We originally adopted her for my sister because she wanted a dog...though I have a feeling my parents also wanted another dog after Duke and Dandy (their two golden labs) had passed away many years ago.

My sister eventually grew out of Molly but she has never really been a pet person. I don't hold a grudge because she was just a kid back then and teenagers are often too self absorbed in their own worlds to care about others. Puppies are also a lot of work and my sister was relatively young when she got Molly. Eventually she moved away for college yet Molly remained with us.

My parents and I became very attached to Molly. Admittedly, I was already taken to Lucky and thought of Molly as just another member of the family when we first got her. But of course she grew on me. I would often watch over her after class hours were finished during high school while my parents were at work. She would always be there to greet me warmly when I walked in the door...tail wagging and all.

She loved the pool. In fact, towards the later years it was almost impossible to let her out in the backyard without her jumping in.

I would always swim with her during the summer months. Particularly, last summer when I was exercising every day. It was wonderful to sit on the steps of the pool after a long bike ride...Molly's chin on my shoulder...both of us staring up at the blue sky. I'd like to think that she is looking down on me and wagging her tail when I sit on the those very same steps, looking up at that same brilliant blue sky, remembering all of the good times we had.

My parents eventually began to take her for walks every morning on a trail near our house. Eventually, I began to do this as well. She was quite a hassle to walk! She really enjoyed sniffing just about every thing we came across.

Molly was unlike most dogs. She was always calm (except around other dogs :P). She also had a peculiar appetite. Molly just wouldn't eat regular dog food. Instead, my mom would prepare a special diet of rice, peas, liver, and other vegetables for her. She would gobble this down...making sure to leave the peas. Such a smart dog! Peas are nasty.

Our cats got along quite well with Molly. Emma, our only female cat, treated Molly like a sister.

She was pretty lethargic and always seemed to be sick, as if she had an immunodeficiency-type disease.

About 3 years ago she was diagnosed with cushion's disease, otherwise known as hyperadrenocorticism. Information about it can be found here:

Hyperadrenocorticism

It is a very complicated disease because it involves the endocrine system. This is responsible for most of the hormone productions in the body. Cushion's disease can lead to things like diabetes and heart arrhythmia.

Molly had always been sickly towards the last 4 to 5 years of her life. We just never fully understood why until she was diagnosed.

She managed to function fine most of the time. She did have her off days but we got through them.

A few days ago, her blood sugar levels went through the roof coupled with a severe upper respiratory infection. She passed away late afternoon on Wednesday while en route to the vet.

My mom and dad were with her when this happened. She died in my mom's arms. I am so grateful that she did not suffer a horrible death like Lucky did. She stopped breathing and passed away peacefully. No pet should have to die like Lucky did...not one as sweet as Molly.

That said, rest peacefully Molly. You are and always will be an important member of this family. I will never forget you. I hope you and Lucky watch over one another so that we might one day meet again in the afterlife.

Wakare (In memory of Lucky, 1997-2008 )

2008-05-30T14:39:00.001-05:00

Quite a bit has happened since I last posted, but that usually is the case.

The fall/winter semester is almost over (thankfully) and it looks like I'll have some more As to boost my GPA even higher. Calc wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. I'm actually doing better in it than I am in Sociology but that's probably because I focus on it more.

At any rate, I finished watching most of the major anime series out there. D. Gray Man was particularly well done. They have some great opening songs.

Other than that, I've been playing Counter Strike: Source and Starcraft when not in class. Boring, I know. However, I picked up a copy of Left 4 Dead (PC) yesterday and I think it's my new favorite game. I'll get into that later and probably post screenshots in another entry.

The name of this entry is wakare. Wakare is Japanese for parting. I took this word from a piece of piano music that I play called Wakare No Kyoku, a song from Full Metal Alchemist. It translates to song of parting. If you don't know which one I am talking about, see the link below. It is basically an adaptation of a very famous piece by Chopin.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uFSG33Ao2Ug

My cat, Lucky, died on Sunday, November 16 2008. Since I don't talk about my real life very much, I probably have never mentioned him.

He was basically my best friend. If that's hard to imagine or sounds ridiculous, I feel sorry that you can't understand the relationship between an animal and human or have never had the chance.

Lucky died on Saturday (11/15/08). He was probably my best friend on this earth. He always understood how I was feeling and was probably the most gentle/kind animal I had ever had the chance to meet. He was about 12 years old. We aren't really sure of his exact age because he was a stray. It's hard to believe, though, since he had such a beautiful coat and extraordinary patterns on his fur. He was the best purrer, too. I've never seen any other cat purr louder than him.

We found him on our water heater in my current home in 1997/1998. He was already an older kitten by then so we estimated that he was probably about a year and a half old at the time (if not 2). We don't know how he came to us but I feel sorry for the owner that lost him. It was fate that he met us. The first time we let him in our house he came back to my room and the rest is history from there. Ever since then, he never left my side and was always there for me when I needed him. We really did become best friends. Even though he was a cat, I feel as though a part of him was also human.

On Saturday, I found him laying on the floor in our family room at around 2:00 AM. He had soiled himself and thrown up on himself, indicating that he had lost muscle control. At first I didn't think anything was wrong because I didn't examine him thoroughly until I woke up my mom. I just noticed that he smelled pretty bad when I went over to pet him. After my mom was up, we moved him onto our kitchen table. He started to have a seizure and made pretty awful meowing sounds. He would flip over. We didn't understand why, at the time, but later found out that it was, indeed, a stroke and he had heart disease. It had caused a clot and he basically could not breath.

I sped to the emergency vet. clinic about 45 minutes away with my mom, knowing that he probably would not be coming back home with us. We got there about 4:00 AM and the veterinarian there informed us of his prognosis, which was very poor. They wanted to keep him over the weekend and run a bunch of tests. I asked them about his chance of recovering and they said he probably wouldn't. It was a hard decision but my mom and I decided it would be best to put him to sleep to end his suffering.

He was very comfortable when we went back to see him. He was situated in an oxygen tank and was breathing better. The veterinarian said we could pet him and say our goodbyes but it wouldn't be in our best interest to watch him be euthanized due to his unstable condition. They gave him anesthesia before the injection and he went peaceful.

Before we did that, though, the veterinarian offered to engrave his paw prints in a clay disc so that we would have something to remember him by. I'm really glad she offered to do so because it has really helped me cope with his death.

I never have been very religious but when I went to see him before he was put to sleep, I put my hand on his head and prayed for him. First, I wished him a safe journey to wherever the afterlife may take him. Then, I asked him to wait for me because I would rejoin him again when it was my time to leave this earth.

After that, I began to rethink my opinion about religion and the debate over whether there is a God or afterlife. I talked a lot with my mother about it. She is not very religious (meaning, she doesn't attend church anymore) but was raised as a Christian and I still think she holds true to her religion. She assured me that he was in a better place and helped me understand faith.

I also read quite a few newspaper articles about religion and science. One particular article really struck me, though. It was written by someone who was convinced that science had disproven religion. I have always considered myself a scientist. However, I do believe that there is an afterlife and a higher power in this universe.

Since this was an online article, people were allowed to comment on it. There were many people who brought up excellent points...but one of the major points that I read was something along the lines of: "Out of all the time we have in life, it is better to spend a few weeks/years of it believing in God and following his teachings than to spend your entire life trying to prove he doesn't exist."

Basically, it made me realize that this was quite accurate. If I believe in an afterlife and believe that I will meet my dear friend when I leave this earth, then I should also believe in God to be accepted into Heaven to have the opportunity to see my friend again.

The author of this post often commented on whatever people posted. Another point made was that the Bible might not necessarily be God's very words. When you think about it, there are many different religions. To me, these varying forms of religion all accept that there is a higher power. When I think of it this way, I realize that maybe these different religions are all compiled stories/teachings from the perspective of the person who originally wrote it. That these different versions all have an underlying, shared point.

It really was quite the epiphany and made accepting Lucky's death a little easier.

I spent most of this week sorting through pictures that my family had taken, picking out the ones that had Lucky in it. Whenever I feel sad about losing him, I look at them and remember all the good times we had together. I am really grateful that I had the chance to meet him and I now realize that I am lucky to have come upon such a wonderful being like him.

There is no other cat that could ever come close to Lucky and I probably will never find another cat that I can form such a strong bond with like I did with Lucky. His entry into my life was a gift and I am very grateful.

With all of that said, rest in peace Lucky. I love you. I will never forget you and you will always reside within my memories and heart.

In Memory of Emma

2008-05-30T04:42:00.001-05:00

Yet another friend passed away on this day. Emma, my friend for the past 9 years, died from cancer on Tuesday - March 9th, 2010 at 4:00 AM.

Emma came into my life 9 years ago..around the time I was in middle school. It was a hot summer day as I walked home from school. When I arrived at home, to my surprise, I was introduced to Emma: a floppy little gray kitten who was terrified of her new surroundings. My mom and sister had picked her up from a food and bait shop just outside of town. My mother could not leave her there out in the summer heat in a cage with little water and food. And so, fate brought Emma and I together.

She was originally supposed to be my cat. I took very good care of her and bonded with her during the first few years of her life. However, Emma loved everyone in our family...very rarely picking favorites. She particularly loved my mother. When we brought Molly home, Emma and her bonded almost immediately. They were sisters. And now they are together again.

There is so much to tell about Emma...but most of it is best kept in my memories. She was an extremely quirky kitten. She had huge bat-like ears when she was young (but eventually grew into them). And she also had a bit of a balance issue. She would often rub up against your head and then flop over to the side because she could not maintain her balance.

Eventually she began to gravitate to my mother and Molly much more so than any other family member. At the time, I was always with Lucky. So naturally Emma paired off with my mother.

After Molly passed last year, we noticed that she seemed a little depressed. Emma stopped sleeping on my mother's bed and lost a few other habits. She eventually found me again. I was stricken with grief over losing Lucky...and so we bonded yet again. She would always come into my room after the rest of the family had gone to bed and would sleep in my computer chair or lay next to me on my bed.

Her death was similar to Lucky's. She got extremely ill two weeks ago and we took her to the vet. They found a tumor in her stomach that was malignant and could not be removed surgically without a high probability of death during the surgery. She was given a cordizone shot and seemed to be much better over the last week. And then she got extremely ill again over the weekend. She stopped eating and could no longer go to the bathroom. We took her to the vet again and they flushed out her insides...but it didn't seem to do anything.

Monday evening I woke up (spring break, bad sleep cycle) and saw her outside my door. She immediately followed me into the bathroom. While I showered she laid next to the shower, itself, as if she was attracted to the cold porcelain tile. I could tell something was wrong.

She became worse as the night progressed. She could barely walk. I laid her on my bed and kept close watch over her. Eventually, I noticed she could not lay down for more than 10 seconds without lifting her head again: as if something were wrong.

I woke my parents and told them of this. My mom knew what had to be done but wanted to wait till the morning to get our vet to perform the euthanization. I knew that I could not wait and watch her suffer for the 4 hours it would require to wait for the normal vet to open. I reluctantly listened to her heart rate with a stethoscope and, to my dismay, found that it was racing. She was in pain and this was causing an elevated heart rate. After my mom listened, she knew it was time to go to the emergency vet.

Once again my mother and I embarked on the voyage to the emergency vet that we had taken Lucky to in the middle of the night. We knew what was coming...we knew what had to be done. I held Emma in a blanket in the car as we drove. It was painful.

I thought I could handle it. I thought I was numb already: having lost two other friends in the past year and a half alone. I thought I had come to terms with what was taken from me. I thought that when this happened again, that I would be able to say goodbye more easily.

I could not handle it...and I could not let go. Death's presence penetrated my core once again and re-awoke my senses.

I sat in shock as we waited in the room for Emma to be prepared for the euthanasia procedure. I was holding my friend of 9 years in my arms yet I could not do anything to save her. I felt helpless. I was helpless.

I should not have been in that room...I should not have seen her be injected. She went peacefully...but watching the procedure was just too much.

But I had to be there. I could not be a coward and let my mother bear the burden alone.

I could not even shed a tear for the lifeless body that lay on the table. I was in complete shock. I could only comfort my mother who was torn to pieces by what had just happened.

Why did God feel the need to take 3 close friends from this Earth so soon? I searched my soul for the answer but there wasn't one. We are just humans, after all, and are ignorant of the 'greater design'.

But what justice is there in doing something like that? Having these innocent animals who have done nothing but loved being taken away in the most painful methods possible? What possible reasoning could be used to formulate the method in which they were taken? Would a merciful God do such a thing?

I thought that my faith had become stronger when the other two had passed. But this shakes it yet again and leads me to question the justice of the Heavens.

Emma, I am so sorry that you had to go like that. Please forgive me for doing such a horrible thing to you. I just wanted you to stop suffering and to not be in pain. I love you so much and I hope you and Molly are watching over the rest of us. I hope we can all be reunited one day.

Lucky and Molly, please watch over binky...my baby kitten. I love you all so much.

You will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Rest in peace.

Scripts

2008-05-29T01:55:00.004-05:00

Every time I decide to reformat my computer, I lose all my damned FFXI scripts. It's quite bothersome to rewrite 80+ scripts by scratch and saving them to a CD is too much work. =p So, I'll just post hard copies here and do the whole copy pasta business if I ever have to reformat again.

Domain:

http://hosted.filefront.com/Kaggypants/

Scripts for Windower:

Scripts folder

Macros/settings in FFXI:

User folder